I kick balls


But I can’t really catch them. Damnit.

When I signed on to play in an adult kickball league, I had delusions of becoming Little Miss Athletic. But in years of playing recreational softball, I never caught the damn ball, because honestly, when some orb is flying through the air towards my person, my only reaction is to GET OUT OF THE WAY. I don’t even like to catch kickballs, which are supposed to be non-painful and hard to miss (they are 10 inches in diameter and bright red.). Therefore, I have made myself useful during game-play by being scorekeeper. Or pitcher. Or relying on the 10 other people on the field to catch it for me. However, at the off-season scrimmage last night, no scorekeeping was necessary, and our paltry team only had 7 other players on the field, so I got stuck playing alone in right field where I dropped every ball that came my way.


Despite my athletic woes, I had a great time at the Red Rooster, a combination dive bar and baseball field. If I was still a location scout for movies and got a job on the remake of Roadhouse (Roadhouse II, The Reconing), starring Patrick Swayze who plays a tough guy bouncer by night who by day strives to make to the majors by practicing on the baseball field behind the bar, constantly hitting homers into the marshy swamp water behind the outfield, where Kelly Lynch has to run and fetch them, causing her to become soaking wet, covered in mosquito bites and angry, making the gratuitous sex scenes hotter and more ghetto, the Red Rooster would be the only location I would need.

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