Not just a town in China

Tipping completely wracks my nerves, because I never remember who gets tipped, and what they get tipped. I usually wait until the last possible second to leave a tip, and make sure no one sees me do it so I won’t be judged. Fearing my math being wrong, I’ll either become a cheapskate or a sucker. Don’t even get me started on my last haircut before which I agonized over weather it’s insulting to tip the owner of the place if he’s also the only person who works there, and if I’m supposed to include a tip for the shampoo guy and is it cool to just go ahead and write one big check because I never carry cash anymore?

Speaking of, I got my oil changed yesterday, which comes with a free car wash. I was waiting in the queue behind and ungodly large Suburban Assault Vehicle whose driver handed the car wash guys a wad of money before being hosed down. In return, they hosed down every inch of his three acre vehicle and even scrubbed it with brushes making sure that his Calvin peeing on something decal (one can only assume Al Gore) was shiny and clean. They finished five minutes later, and it was my car’s turn. I handed the guy all the money in my wallet and gave him my best, “I know you deserve more but New York City took everything but this dollar bill last night” face. In return, he shot me a look of contempt like he was the president of Iran talking to the UN, sprayed my car with for the briefest second with a squirt of hose, held up the dollar bill and told his cohort “It’s a dollar, Dan” before sending me on my way, brushless, cheap, alone.

So what’s the lesson here, kids? Tipping is simply bribery, and if one wants good service in this society, one must carry a stripper’s wad of singles.


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Hollywood on October 2, 2006 at 6:26 am

    You should totally join my crusade. I’m on a mission to stop useless tipping. Tipping belongs to people with service jobs who actually factor the “tip” into their wages when their management decides a fair hourly rate for the said services. Included in this group are waitresses/waiters, food delivery specialists, bellhops, and paper boys/girls/old men, and that’s only monthly or holiday time.

    As far as I’m concerned, tipping is a great thing. I worked pizza delivery for years and loved every minute of the extra dollars in my pocket. However, it went to such things as gas money, car repairs, and much needed cigarettes on my 30-45 minute round trip. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that people don’t deserve some extra money, but it should not be at the hands of the consumers. It should be at the hands of the employers who are jaking their workforce out of the wages they should truly be earning by assuming the jobs are intended for the lowest of the low (ie – migrant workers, high school kids, deaf/dumb/slow, etc). This leads to the employers seeing their workstaff as disposable and not worth the extra money. So, in order to keep them from NOT quitting so quickly (usually one quits once they pick up on the fact that things are only going to go downhill from where they are currently), the employers stick a tip jar out on the counter.

    Personally, loose change is about all I save, because it’s so convenient to just throw it all in a jar and forget about it until you fill it up and discover you have another $100. I also think a dollar is way too much to give some guy for making my coffee when, let’s face it, it’s his JOB to make me coffee. People in most of the there jobs, like car wash attendants, are simply paid to spray your car down, or dry it with a towel, or make your coffee, or whatever else.

    So, in conclusion, the tip jars are ruining what little class these workers had left because it’s leaving them greedy and unappreciative of the tips they are receiving because awesome dude mcgoo comes along and wants to show off by giving $10 tips, it makes the people who are either suckered into the tip or sincerely think the people deserved that extra dollar suffering because of shitty service once the tip is received.

    So, in conclusion, don’t tip anymore unless it’s a tip dependant job. Instead, leave behind a piece of paper that explains why you didn’t give a tip.

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