Waterlogged

I went swimming this morning. I already had water in my ear from swimming on Monday morning. Now there is water on top of the water. I think Monday’s water is mingling with a watermelon seed I ate over the summer and it’s starting to grow in my inner ear. Today’s water is making it grow even faster. The germinating watermelon is pushing on the inside of my skull, and making my eyeballs hurt. Soon it will grow to full size and then burst inside my head. I will probably die, but my fondest wish is that it’s at least a tasty watermelon which leads to my demise.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by lily on November 16, 2006 at 2:00 am

    I think you’re showing remarkable restraint in not completely freaking out. Like, I just had a semi-mysterious situation with my ears that lasted aboaut two weeks. During that time, it seemed all too obvious to me that the most logical assumption I could make about the cause was a pair of symmetrically positioned malignant tumors, one in each ear, which would grow rapidly until they met in the middle of my head, thereby displacing my brain and killing me. Remarkably, these tumors have spontaneously shrunk and disappeared, I believe through the power of prayer.

  2. Posted by Alyson on November 16, 2006 at 5:42 am

    I really hope that pic is being sent to CuteOverload or Stuff On My Cat

  3. Posted by Kirsten on November 16, 2006 at 3:29 pm

    i think you have swimmer’s ear. i do not see watermelon growth on here, but do you have of these other symptoms:

    http://www.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/sts14863.asp?navbar=hw87616

  4. Posted by Noelle on November 16, 2006 at 4:12 pm

    It’s funny, because that website mentions nothing about watermelon seeds. Also, I’m going to thank my lucky stars that this symptom has not yet appeared:
    Drainage from the ear that does not look like earwax. The drainage may have bad smell.

    Thanks for the link!

  5. Posted by Hooker on November 16, 2006 at 9:38 pm

    I want to go swimming.

    😦

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