I can see clearly now

When I go swimming in the morning before work, I always rock my pair of prescription goggles. I use them because without the aid of glasses or contacts, I’m a lot like Daphne Velma from Scooby Doo, so completely blind that I end up on my hands and knees groping maniacally in every direction until I come across the bad guy’s legs instead of my glasses. If I swim without sight aid I either get tangled in the lane lines or freestyle headfirst into the wall. I’ve tried to wear contacts under regular goggles, but the suction of the goggles makes the contacts spontaneously pop out of my eyeballs.

I wear my goggles as I walk in the hall that connects the locker room to the pool, because even though it’s geeky, the alternative, wearing glasses with a swim cap, is incomprehensibly lame. This morning as I was walking to the pool, I looked through the open door at the end of the hall and glimpsed an older gentleman who had just gotten out of the water and was walking in my direction. Because of the prescription power of my goggles, I immediately noticed he had a hairy body, protruding stomach, and a droopy green Speedo, the Speedo being the only thing that didn’t make him look like the producer from “Borat.” I reasoned there only one way to avoid the imminent hideousness of seeing him up-close and personal. I created a few moments of soft focus by whipping off the prescription goggles as I felt my way down the hall. Of course, walking head first into the open door, falling on my face, and getting knocked unconscious was the merciful thing that ultimately saved me from having that sight forever etched on my brain.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anonymous on December 6, 2006 at 9:04 pm

    You should definitely keep the goggles on in the locker room… who knows what you might “accidentally” bump into in there.

  2. Posted by pagalina on December 7, 2006 at 1:39 am

    yeowch! can’t think the last time i was unconcious in public! 🙂

  3. Posted by Noelle on December 7, 2006 at 2:48 am

    Fear not, friendly commenters! I was taking some creative license. I didn’t actually pass out from hitting my head on the door. I found another way around the situation, but the story of “pretending I forgot something in the locker room and walking back until it was safe” didn’t seem as interesting.

  4. Posted by Scooby on December 7, 2006 at 5:21 am

    Velma is the one who wears glasses.

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