Bad pizza’s like bad sex: either way, it’s still pretty good.

It’s no secret that one of the reasons I joined Planet Fitness is because they give away free pizza on the first Monday of every month. That’s why I circled yesterday’s date in my calendar and wrote the words: “two slices worth of cardio.” I raced to the gym after work, did 20 minutes of elliptical, 20 minutes of treadmill and 20 minutes of cycling (which I like to call the indoor triathlon) which put me right in the mood for some pizza eating! Lest you forget how magnanimous they are, the gym puts signs everywhere, including the locker room, reminding patrons about free pizza Mondays. So as I’m washing up, the tiny little girl who was in the treadmill ahead of me who ran 41 straight minutes at an average speed of 7.4, or 8 an eight minute mile, not that I was looking, reads the sign on the wall, turns to her friend and says, “so that’s why there’s pizza out there? Because they give it away?”

“That’s really gross,” says the equally tiny and deplorable friend.

For just a moment, I paused and thought to myself that maybe it is gross. Maybe after doing all that working out, I should heed the advice of my doctor, who told her the one thing that stands between me and a smaller body is cheese, particularly when it’s melted and gooey and at the height of its deliciousness. But you know what? The whole point of Planet Fitness is that you’re not supposed to be judging other people, and there’s no way I was going to let this little runner girl get in the way of my free pizza. So I dragged my sweaty bum out to the lobby, pulled out a slice of mushroom, and chowed down. And it was delicious. I ate another slice as I drove home in my car, and it was even more delicious. Those girls just don’t know what they’re missing and obviously don’t understand the value of a dollar if they’re not taking this gym for everything it’s got. Of course, looking at their skin tone makes me think they had no problem at all with the unlimited tanning policy. Not that I’m judging, mind you, not judging at all.


11 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by stefanie on April 3, 2007 at 3:40 pm

    I think an indoor triathalon definitely merits some pizza without guilt. Particularly if the pizza is just a once-a-month thing.

    Those girls don’t know what they’re talking about.

  2. Posted by Chachi on April 3, 2007 at 7:31 pm

    So where they so tanned they were that “bitchy orange”?

    Mmmm…ya can’t turn a slice away…and one does no harm (or two)…

  3. Posted by 3carnations on April 3, 2007 at 7:31 pm

    Who turns down free pizza? That’s just wrong…

    Incidentally, I did once have bad pizza. It was a place in Connecticut, and the ONLY cheese on it was parmesan. As much as I love parmesan cheese, covering crust with nothing but that and sauce doesn’t do it for me.

  4. Posted by Noelle on April 3, 2007 at 8:12 pm

    stefanie – I work out so I can eat pizza, and those girls don’t know what they’re missing.

    chachi – they were a couple shades away from “bitchy orange,” more like “trampy tan.”

    3carnations – What a coincidence! Connecticut is the only place where I’ve ever had bad sex, and it also involved Parmesan!

  5. Posted by rdl on April 3, 2007 at 11:55 pm

    too funny!! i’m with you – mmmm pizza – my fav. only i had a really hard time stopping at 2!

  6. Posted by lizgwiz on April 4, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    Judge away. Anyone who uses the words “pizza” and “gross” in the same sentence deserves to be judged!

  7. Posted by Hope V on April 4, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    So, in 30 years, they’ll have skin cancer…and you’ll be well fed and independently wealthy thanks to the money you’re saving on the gym and on Monday dinners!

    Not to mention that Tiny Little Runner Girl will probably become Not So Tiny Freshman Fifteen Gaining Binge Drinker if she hasn’t yet been to college. 🙂

  8. Posted by -R- on April 4, 2007 at 6:29 pm

    My favorite part of this whole post is your response to 3carnations’ comment. Hilarious.

  9. Posted by NancyPearlWannabe on April 5, 2007 at 1:00 am

    I just discovered there’s a PF in my city! Free pizza? I am so in.

  10. Posted by Noelle on April 5, 2007 at 1:08 pm

    -rdl- I probably would have eaten more if I was a little more secure with myself.

    lizgwiz – so true, they’re too young to deny life’s pleasures.

    hope – so true, I plan to save for major purchases one dinner at a time. I can’t wait until that girl’s metabolism slows. Thankfully, I’ve never been skinny, so it’s all uphill from here!

    -r– thanks, I couldn’t resist.

    NPW – seriously, I hate to be “little Miss Endorsement” but PF is the greatest. Join! Join now! (or at least join in time for May 7, the next Free Pizza day, or April 10, free bagel morning.

  11. Posted by alyndabear on April 6, 2007 at 11:11 pm

    Oh, I would hit my gym MUCH more often if the pizza offer was there. Seriously.. oh man, PIZZA.

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