I figured out how to analyze!

I’ve seen other bloggers write about the funny search terms people use to find their sites. I too use Google Analytics track how many hits I get a day and where they come from, because it is so much fun. (Hello to my readers in Bangkok, Portugal, and Bismarck, North Dakota, by the way!) However, the search terms people use to find my blog never seem that interesting. The top ten hits were always something like, “The Daily Tannenbaum,” “funny kickball names,” “lavash pitas,” and “where to buy cap and gown gear.” I remember writing about all those things, and I think it’s great that people come here to find those, but I’ve always been a bit bummed that the search terms weren’t a bit more off the wall.

Yesterday, I was playing around in Analytics, and I realized that I’ve only been looking at the top 10 search items, but there is a way to find the top 25, 50, 100, or 200 search terms just by changing my settings. When I look beyond the top ten, search results are much more interesting than before. So, in no particular order, here are some things that you can type into your search engine if you want to find The Daily Tannenbaum:

1. Raunchy
2. Masturbating in YMCA locker room
3. Moldy cheese – sore throat
4. Renfest sexy wenches
5. YMCA worker molests children
6. Green chunk came out of sinus infection
7. Wisdom teeth “stop the operation”
8. Prostitutes in Paramus
9. Receipts for ground flaxseed

I know these searches have already concluded, but if someone gets here again from those keywords, I’d like to offer this advice:

1. We’ll see if I can keep up this regular Raunchy Thursday theme, although it’s not wildly popular with my regulars, I hear raunch is big in the general internet population.
2. If you’re looking for tips on how to do this act, I think I may re-think the Raunchy Thursday idea. (the picture at the top of that link is CLASSIC.)
3. If you’re looking to cure a sore throat with moldy cheese, check with a medical professional first.
4. I’m going to give you a tip, most wenches at the Renfest are not sexy, but they are the only girls in the world who will respect your D&D collection.
5. Seriously, stop going to the YMCA. See if you have a Planet Fitness nearby.
6. I’m going to refer you to Dooce.
7. Are you looking to stop this operation right now? Yikes! You need a safeword.
8. Paramus. Not just a great place to shop, also a Great Place to Live!
9. I think you mean recipes… But you may mean receipts, because the best thing to do with flaxseed is return it, because the website is no help at all.

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by stefanie on April 19, 2007 at 9:20 pm

    Hee. Glad you learned how to partake in this fun with the rest of us.

    Yesterday I got hits for “imaginary girlfriend named jelly” and “jelly imaginary girlfriend,” which I thought was really funny until I realized it was a reference to the VA Tech gunman. Then–not so funny. 😦

    Sorry; didn’t mean to be a buzzkill! Flaxseed! Wenches! Yay!

  2. Posted by Aaron on April 20, 2007 at 12:35 am

    Most horrifying Funky Carter search ever: I titled a post “Sexy Boy” once (after the Air song), and a few months later, I got a hit from some freak in Iran looking for “sexy boy pictures”. I felt so unclean.

    Imagine his disappointment, though, when he found some dork’s blog full of posts about how hot Jenny Lewis is.

  3. Posted by -R- on April 20, 2007 at 3:48 am

    I think I am going to just start doing totally weird searches to see if my search terms end up on other people’s blogs.

  4. Posted by lizgwiz on April 20, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    The other day I got “I’m 140 and bored with live.” What a problem to have! I’m not quite sure why Google thought my blog would be the answer for a bored 140-year-old, though. Maybe they’re really easily amused at that age. Maybe some sexy Renfest wenches would cheer him up!

  5. Posted by 3carnations on April 20, 2007 at 2:46 pm

    I took the moldy cheese one differently – I took it to mean that someone ate some moldy cheese and now has a sore throat. 🙂

  6. Posted by Noelle on April 20, 2007 at 8:58 pm

    stefanie – I haven’t heard of the jelly girlfriend connection yet. I wonder why it linked to you?

    aaron – I’m linking you to “Sexy Boy” right this minute.

    -r- – I’ll start linking weird phrases to your site, if you want!

    lizgwiz – are you sure that the 140 year old isn’t bored with 90’s rock band Live? Because I was bored with them pretty quickly.

    3carnations – I bet that’s what the person meant!

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