This is not a normal rental

Monday night the landlesbian had her annual “I’m going away for the winter so I thought we should spend an evening pretending we all get along” soirée which she holds for the tenants of the farm. I must admit that as much as I sometimes find her antics a bit crazy and the walls a bit drafty, she can be nice and generous and I love the chance to chill with the feminists and talk with intelligent people.

Also, I’m now afraid to say anything incriminating about my living situation since there was a moment I was asked by my landlesbian what kind of writer I was. When I told her I had a blog, she asked me what it was called. Why I didn’t say something like “Dooce!” or “AndYouKnowWhatElse!” or “The Huffington Post!” I have no idea. But no, I went and told a half truth. I said, “It’s called ‘The Tannenbaum’.” That was smart, because I’m sure that she’ll never remember that one being that she owns the freaking Christmas Trees. My only hope is that the thrill of eating fresh brie will help her forget the next time she goes online. But in the case you did find me, dear landlesbian, please remember you’ve written worse about people, and I do this for the love, and it’s totally anonymous! (sort of)

So despite my fears of being found out and evicted, I HAVE to tell you what transpired last night. As we were discussing evolving technology, the conversation turned to Google Earth, and their relentless documenting of the world. My neighbor asked if anyone had viewed the farm from above, and told us that you could get a really good view of some cars and the pond and the trees.

Said the neighbor, “I didn’t recognize any of the cars, it may be a few years old.”

Said the landlesbian, “But can you see the pond?”

Said the waterlesbian, “Can you see me skinny dipping?”

I don’t know. Can you?

(This is a crude attempt at teaching myself how to use a photoshop-esque program, but I thought you might like to know where my small outcropping is on the property.)

UPDATE: When I move my mouse over the picture in this post, I get a link to Snap that tells me related searches are “OCD” “Birth Control” and “Dunkin Donuts.”  These are things I do not blog about, yet all are integral to my life.  Why is Snap this smart?


14 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on October 24, 2007 at 8:38 am

    Dear Noelle,

    I think I need to meet your landlesbian. Next time you have a gathering with her and the waterlesbian do you think you could bring me along?

    Congrats on your FC win. You seem to be winning everything these days! I’ll try not to hold it against you.



    I think you’re still sore about that game of scrabble. If it’s any consolation, a friend from college is currently kicking my ass 330 to 188. I have gotten no letters worth more than 1 point.

  2. When I wrote my zombie movie this summer, there was originally a scene where my landlord (who lives across the street) was eaten by zombies. He makes me paranoid, though; so paranoid that I was afraid that he would find my blog (if he doesn’t read it already), download my screenplay, be horrified, and evict me and/or take out a restraining order.

    So, instead, it became merely some dude who lives across the street. Who shares the same first initial with my landlord. Because really, who has time to invent characters?

    This is true, if you can extract from reality, it’s worth the risk of being found out!

  3. Oh, and: congrats on winning the Funky Carter contest!! We are all very proud of you here at the FC Offices.

    Thank you, it was an honor. It makes me want to try a comment hungry contest…

  4. If you’re trying harder than ever to be anonymous, I suppose there’s no chance I’m ever going to get to see that mural with the candy bars floating in the river, huh?

    (Did I just make that up? Was it the tikki drinks talking? You did say there was such a mural, didn’t you?? Suddenly I’m doubting myself.)

    You know, I hadn’t thought about photographing the candy bar mural and posting it since tikki night. Maybe I’ll email it to you as proof.

  5. Congratulations fellow FC-winner!

    I read your blogs regularly and like them, I should comment more often.


    Thanks! I’m glad you stopped by to say hello!

  6. Cool pond! Do you ever fish in it?

    I am not a fisher of women, so no. I did swim in it once. It was a tad nasty.

  7. I cannot see the pond or any skinny-dipping (fortunately – no offense, waterlesbian, I am sure you are very hot).

    I also would like to note that I am glad you thought of the three really big and important blogs out there- dooce, Huffington Post, and my blog. I think those are really the big three.

    I thought you may appreciate a little shout-out.

  8. I love Google Earth, but the first time I looked up my house, I didn’t realize the picture was a few years old, and I wanted to know who the hell was parking a red car in my driveway. Then, a year or so later, I bought a red car, so now I wonder…was it a picture from the past or the FUTURE? (Cue Twilight Zone music here.) 😉

    That is spooky…

  9. Now, when I mouse over, the links are “OCD,” “birth control,” and “windshield wipers.” No Dunkies. Too bad.

    Yeah, mine changed to “windshield wipers” as soon as I wrote the update. drag.

  10. Posted by tinetastic on October 24, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    And strangely I got Dunkin Donuts OCD and Windshield wipers. . .but no Birth Control. . .is your picture link trying to tell me something?

    This is getting curiouser and curiouser.

  11. I got Netflix, OCD, and Dunkin Donuts. It seems like the makings of a writing exercise where you have to use all three words in the first paragraph of a short story about Christmas trees or something.

    I think that will be my challenge for tomorrow’s post!

  12. Posted by EvilKate on October 24, 2007 at 1:58 pm

    I love your blog. And I hope you don’t get found out. Although really, nothing is ever cruel–it’s just that sometimes the truth hurts…

    And sometimes I um… embellish a little…

  13. Is the pond really nasty? It looks so pretty.

    From above it’s blue, from the front it’s brown.

  14. I like the WordPress blog better than blogspot — you have RSS, nifty comment feedback….I may switch over…do you like it?

    Love it! No complaints.

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