Of the World

What a weekend. When you live the Hudson Valley of New York, you can choose to either be a New York fan or a New England fan, because we’re close to both. But I’m from Jersey, and I feel some loyalty to the Giants, who went ahead and won themselves the Super Bowl last night.  I didn’t even have to waste any time watching the entire season. I just headed over to Flick & Tucker’s fine party, watched a couple hours of game sandwiched between the performance of an aged rocker and left happy to hear “We are the Champions” on the radio in my car. Because there are equal amounts of Giants and Pats fans around here, I bet they would have played that song no matter who won.

But that wasn’t the highlight of the weekend. It was just the most recent thing that happened.  Between leaving work on Friday and the cream of wheat that I just ate, so much went on, there wasn’t even really a highlight.  The most unique thing was that we had an author signing at the bookstore on Saturday and afterwards she and the rep from the publisher spent the night with me as guests in the cottage. I borrowed an extra mattress, and we had a right old slumber party which was very much fun.

You should probably go buy her book right now.  Not just because is it a well-written tale from an up-and-coming talent, but you should buy it because I think she’s kind of hard-up for some basic needs.  You see, on Sunday morning I had to leave really early to meet my mom at the gift show in the city (we’re starting a business, it’s very exciting, details to come…) so I left my two slumber party buddies to let themselves out at a more respectable hour.  I didn’t come back home until after the big game.  It was late, I was tired, and all I wanted to do was brush my teeth and go to bed.

But my toothpaste was gone.

I looked around the counter, in the drawer, behind the toilet.  But no toothpaste.  It had vanished. I don’t like to jump to conclusions, but it seemed that one of my two house guests made off with my Tom’s of Maine anti-cavity peppermint gel.  It is a great brand of toothpaste, but as it’s available for less than $4, it certainly doesn’t seem worth stealing, which means that there were only these possible explanations:

1. One of my guests forgot her toothpaste, borrowed mine, and became so enamored with it that she forgot all the rules of propriety and made off with the greatest half-used tube of toothpaste ever.

2. Much like author Rudolph Delson requires a signature for a signature when he autographs books, this author took my toothpaste as repayment for the autographed book I got.

3. One of my guests saw one of my bugs crawling on the tube of toothpaste and threw it out (in the dumpster outside) to prevent me from using now disgusting toothpaste and thereby saving my life.  But didn’t leave a note of explination.

4. A Published Author uses the SAME EXACT BRAND of toothpaste as me and accidentally put it in her bag not realizing that it was mine and now if I ever try to sell a piece of writing to an agent I can tell that person that I am qualified for a book contract because I use Tom’s of Maine anit-cavity peppermint gel and SO DOES SHE!

After a quick check of my email including a note from said author, it turns out that #4 was the explanation, and I am just that cool.  Also, she mentioned something about being embarrassed about the situation, or something.  Maybe blogging all about it to you dear readers reader wasn’t the most gracious response to her email.  But I’m a make lemons out of lemonade person, and I’m not at all upset about the sticky, pasty, can’t quite get rid of the cream of wheat feeling of my teeth right now.  Instead, I’m basking in the glow of our fair Giants and the knowledge that somewhere in Brooklyn a really cool writer is fighting cavities extra hard with toothpaste purchased in the Hudson Valley.

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17 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on February 4, 2008 at 8:34 am

    Pssh. Giants. WHATEVER.

    How could you not love Big Blue? Even if they were wearing white.

  2. I want details on the business you are starting….sounds exciting and if it involves “gifts” I am even more interested….

    🙂

    Details to follow, I say!

  3. Now you need to go to her house so you can accidentally take the toothpaste back…

    Funny, she didn’t leave an address…

  4. I can think of worse things she could have walked off with. I mean, at least she doesn’t wear a bra just like yours or something… 🙂

    And I want details on this business, too! So exciting…

    It’s true, bras are much more expensive.

  5. “Accidentally” stole your Tom’s toothpaste? Likely story!! That stuff is like $6/tube!

    You got to get out of the city! Over here, albeit it’s not as cheap as Pepsodent, but it’s not as bad as $6.

  6. You had a personal possesion stolen by someone potentially famous and all it cost you was half a tube of toothpaste! That could be a good investment down the road.

    Yay Giants!

    I love my small claims to fame.

  7. Do you simply work at a book store or are you the publicist? Your work sounds fun! i can’t wait until my job is fun to me again.

    Also, I am excited to hear more details on your new business. I love that lately people seem really motivated and ambitious in their lives! Good luck.

    I work at at bookstore part time on Saturdays.

  8. I love Tom’s Of Maine! I have used their deodorant since high school when my armpits started breaking out from the regular kind.

    Happy Monday…it’s a TMI kind of day.

    I just read a post somewhere, on AmericaBlog, I think, about perfume-free toiletries. I love to keep Tom’s deodorant in my gym bag because it doesn’t get the melting problem other ones do.

  9. Good luck with the new business! That’s so exciting!

    It’s hysterical that she took your toothpaste. Her book looks so good!

    I thought it was pretty funny. As long as I remember to run the errand and pick up more today.

  10. I used to be a big fan of Tom’s of Maine until they stopped making the flavor I liked best. Pout. Was I the only one buying the fennel flavor?

    You probably were. Fennel sounds really unappealing.

  11. Tom’s of Maine is a rather pricey tube of toothpaste and it’s good – perhaps she just couldn’t resist the temptation! Whichever the case, her book synopsis is tempting as well, and I will definitely check it out!

    You should. It will make me feel better about saying anything potentially bad about her on my blog.

  12. Posted by Rebecca on February 4, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    As accomplice in the ‘Hudson Valley toothpaste caper’, I want to let you know that we gleefully enjoyed eating what was left of the Tom’s of Maine, smeared on crackers (saltines, if you must know). We were sad it wasn’t a full tube because just as we were almost finished (right around the last reststop on our way back into NYC), we realized that Tom’s of Maine toothpaste goes GREAT smeared on top of a Snickers candy bar, and also is ‘food fusion magic’ when stirred into Cherry Coke. Try it, I swear!

    Um.

    Actually, I had nothing to do with it, and I shouldn’t take any blame OR credit…I don’t even use Tom’s of Maine, I use Arm and Hammer…

    But I still thank Noelle Tannenbaum for a positively lovely time.

    That is funny and horrifying. I had a great time too, totally worth the toothpaste.

  13. I’m glad it was just an accident, because it would be sad if this author were so hard up for cash that she had to resort to stealing other people’s toothpaste.

    Tom’s of Maine, huh? I’ll have to check it out if I’m ever in the Hudson Valley, because I don’t think they sell it down here.

    It’s usually on the bottom shelf, behind a bunch of other stuff. I think you can get it all over the country now.

  14. Did you ever consider that she might be writing a novel about a toothpaste stealer, and was therefore engaging in research? Just like when poor Winona Ryder got caught doing all that “research”.

    Yeah, likely story, sister!

  15. You hippies and your fancy schmancy toothpaste. Geez.

    If they sell it in CVS and it’s owned by some big company, it’s no longer hippie toothpaste.

  16. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on February 5, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    By the way, I totally met the Toms of Maine dudes at a charity golf tournament I held when I worked for the CFF. They donated tons of product and when it was over, I left with like 12 tubes of toothpaste, all cinnamon. They were pretty cool guys.

    I’m glad. If they were like the mean lady who bought Burt’s Bees, I might be upset.

  17. Posted by Jennifer M. on February 5, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    What does cream of wheat taste like? And, more importantly I guess, what does it feel like in your mouth? It sounds kinda scary to me.

    On the other hand, after grad school, I did begin eating oatmeal (and it does magically lower my cholesterol!) and in the past few years I have become a believer in grits (as long as they are smothered in cheese and consumed in the South). . .

    If you like grits, you’ll like Cream of Wheat. It’s the same consistency and all, but made from wheat instead of corn. It’s like the difference between crispix and wheat chex. I usually add cinnamon, raisins, & brown sugar to taste.

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