Insecure

Z of Autobiography of my feet tagged me for a meme. When I get tagged, I usually put it back burner and go watch Battlestar Galactica and forget about it until all the water boils off and the pot catches on fire. I’ve actually gotten this meme before, and I turned it into a post I really liked, the 7 deadly sins facts about me. I wrote that last May, and got no comments. I can’t even remember a time when I could have no comments on a post and not go screaming into the hills in disappointment, thinking myself a failure. So on that note, here are 7 insecurities about me that you may not know about:

1. I judge my self worth by comment number, even though I know that is wrong. I wrote this blog for more than a year with only the occasional comment, and my life was just as fulfilling. When I read blogs, I don’t always comment on posts, either because I really have nothing to say, or I closed the window before verifying that the word verification was verified, or because blogger software is exacting revenge on me for leaving WordPress, and I just can’t be bothered to re-type. So I totally understand that not commenting doesn’t equal not a good post. That being said, don’t at all let this particular point sway your decision to comment or not…

Duex. I am not comfortable with my body when I’m in New York City wearing fancy going-out clothes, yet I have no problem walking around in a bathing suit at a swim meet in front of people who are much more athletic and well-toned than I am. I think it’s because I think I belong at the swim meet, but I don’t belong out with the fancy people.

Γ. Before leaving for my Boston trip, I got my oil changed, and I hate doing that, because they always ask me if I want x,y, or z fixed, and I don’t know what the right answer is. Am I a sucker if I have them do the service that I may or may not need, or am I an idiot for refusing necessary car repair which will cause the transmission drop right out of the car as I leave the service station?

D. I was just looking over at Stefanie’s Flikr page, and I smile like a crazy person in pictures, which I don’t think is my best look. There are actually very few pictures of me that I like, 3-D is really my best look.

Five.  I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been way gassy this week, and I’ve had nary a bean.  Oh wait, does tofu count as a bean since it’s made from soy?  Please don’t tell me that soy is the root of my problems, because it’s the root of my diet.  At least the weather’s warm enough to drive with my windows open.

VI. I’m choosing my own blogventure this Friday, which means that I have to actually write something creative that isn’t about me.  I don’t even know how to do that since every time I press the “.” on my keyboard, my fingers automatically go “space” “space” “I.”

Lastly. Way back in the olden days (my early 20’s) I pierced my nipple (Mom, I think you knew that, but if this is how you’re finding out I’m REALLY sorry.)  It never quite took right, and it never completely healed, so I took it out after a couple of months because I grew tired of only hugging people with my right side.  After the hole closed up, it left a small funny-looking scar, and it makes me worry that if I ever decide to have kids, I won’t be able to breast feed properly.  I’m actually more concerned about that than the fact that I don’t even have someone to have kids with, and even if I did, I can’t afford to do it, and I don’t think I’m emotionally ready.  Sometimes I look at that little scar and think that because the me of 10 years ago wasn’t concerned with the me of today (or 10 years from now) maybe I should forgo the whole procreation thing.  Or maybe that’s just a clever ruse I tell myself to keep my biological clock at bay while I continue to enjoy the single life.

So the rules of this meme are that I’m supposed to tag 7 people.  I’m not a tagger, but there are seven blogs I would like to link to.  These are blogs that I’ve been reading and meaning to put on my blogroll (there are more than seven), but haven’t yet, because I’m not in the mindframe to come up with 6 word descriptions for them.  So bloggers, feel free to do the 7 thing meme if you want, or not.  But props to you for being bloggers, and if you’d like to give me a 6 word description of your blog, I’ll put you in the bold section.

Constantly Arriving by Sarah

Definitely RA by RA

Digital Fortress by Vicious Headbutt

Fretting the Small Stuff by Andrea

Howling Hill by Michelle

No Ordinary Rollercoaster by Ben

Surviving Myself by apollocreed

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27 responses to this post.

  1. I don’t know how any respectable blogger doesn’t judge his or her self-worth on comment number, at least just a little.

    And, only two more days until the return of Battlestar Galactica. Joy! Rapture!

    There’s no way I’m getting any work done on Friday.

  2. I didn’t start worrying about how many comments I got until I started getting a decent amount. When I got 1-3 comments at the most, I’d think “Yay! Comments!” Now if I get fewer than 10, I think “What the heck?”. I only break 20 when I make it political, but I’m not sure any of us could deal with me doing THAT every day. Heh.

    When I waitressed on the side, I had a coworker who had…well, an even more private area pierced. Though I never saw it personally, she was proud of it and always willing to show people who were interested in seeing it (the piercing, that is). I never understood that (the piercing or the willingness to share).

    Also, if your mom is finding out about the piercing from this post, I get the feeling you’ll get a comment and then some. 🙂

    I wasn’t a flasher back in the day, which makes my piercing decision even stranger. No one ever saw it.

  3. I was just about to click over to comment, but lookie there, I’m tagged! I think it’s my second (?) time ever, which is good, because that’s how I measure my self-worth.

    Kidding.

    Kind of.

    Anyway, I agree that there isn’t a blogger out there who doesn’t measure quality by the numbers. As Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes put it, “How do you know you’re having fun if you don’t attach a number to it?”

    I am so psyched to go up on the blog roll! And I will email you with my 6-word description, because I am SO getting bolded. Just watch.

    I love that Calvin quote.

  4. Seriously…wrote for over a year with a standard 12-16 hits a day. Don’t even ASK me about comments…I didn’t get those until I actually became brave enough to post on other people’s blogs and connect with some great writers.

    Also, I have tended to take a fairly aloof stance toward memes. I think that’s because I don’t really know what they are. Do I get cursed if I don’t do it? Will I be kicked out of the blogging group?

    Lastly, I loved how you wrote yours so maybe I will do this one. Am I writing 7 deadly sins or 7 insecurities?

    Okay, ONE MORE lastly…I think it’s safe to say that by acting a dense fool all up in your comments section, no one will be visiting to see what I wrote anyway. I’ll just link to Surviving Myself’s and be done with it.

    I think of tagging like a chain letter. You can risk breaking it, but you don’t know what might happen. But my thought is you save ’em for a day when you need inspiration.

  5. i had my navel pierced on a whim while i was studying abroad (only to find out when i got home that it was starting to become all the rage here). i didn’t do it to show anyone, but i made a tragic oversight—Indian clothes are all about the bare midriff. so i basically screwed myself out of wearing most saris and other beautiful outfits because if any of my parents’ friends saw it, the grapevine would be abuzz about how i went to Spain and became a whore.

    i managed to hide it somehow, no one ever saw it (but my mom thought it made me look “fast”), but i still have it in because the scar would be so much more hideous. i’m still paranoid about people seeing it, even though it seriously wouldn’t matter anymore now that i’m older.

    I like that story. I had a few other other piercings, and now the scars to prove it.

  6. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on April 2, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    I don’t want to jinx anything, but I think my comment mania might be subsiding just a little bit. Not that I don’t want them anymore, just that I think I reached the breaking point when it comes to stressing over the exact number of them. I figure people either like me or they don’t, and hopefully more of the former than the latter.

    As for number five, maybe you’re lactose intolerant?

    I’m totally lactose intolerant, but the only lactose I’ve had in a while was that ice cream. Please don’t tell me that soy is related!

  7. Point Duex is the most interesting to me. (Not that your gas isn’t interesting, of course.) I should consider when and where I feel the least comfortable and why that is.

    I can totally have naked time in the shower after swimming, but I hate doing it at the gym.

  8. Oh dear! A meme! A promise to work hard on it but I don’t think I can keep it to just seven. Seventy, maybe? I too have the comment neuroses. Again, welcome to my insecure world; however, I have to remember that blogging is not the be all end all to my existence. Still…comments are fun and rewarding at the same time.

    You can do it!

  9. When I had my breast biopsy last summer, I asked the radiologist if it would interfere with breastfeeding. She looked at me like had three heads, but I thought it was a valid question – they were slicing into my boob! And taking a piece out! So I hear you on that worry.

    Yeah, that’s one of those things that doctors never make you feel better about.

  10. Oh the piercing decisions we make in our youth…

    Also, I don’t feel like I fit in with the fancy people in NYC either. Who does?

    Actually, I don’t know who does, but they seem to be everywhere.

  11. Thanks for the book tip in my comments! I haven’t read it, I’ve only read..Poisonwood Bible.

    As for your insecurities, thanks for sharing. 🙂 they are personal and profound…and more common than I’d admit in my own 7 insecurities blog.

    You’re welcome.

  12. Posted by Sarah on April 2, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    I had my belly button pierced when I was 20. When I came home for the summer and my mom caught me suctioning a cup of salty water to my stomach, she said “Why did you wait until you’re 20? Aren’t you kind of old for that now?” A strange response, I thought.

    Looking forward to doing the meme.

    I LOVE that response. When I pierced my tongue, my mother made fun of me.

  13. Okay, I want to say THANK-YOU!! for linking to me. It makes me very happy when people enjoy what I write. I’m being serious here!

    But, I don’t think I’m going to do the meme, mainly because I think I’d have to be Open and Honest, and usually I don’t like doing that.

    But thanks again!

    also, I’m sooooo looking forward to the Blogventure thing.

    No memes necessary. I just wanted to let you know I’ve been meaning to add you to my blogroll, and the only reason I haven’t is laziness.

  14. Here’s a comment for this post – YAY! I loved learning all these things about you, except maybe the nipple thing, because now all I can think is : OUCH. 😉

    Then I better not tell you about my broken ankle.

  15. I cracked up at “Mom, I really hope this isn’t how you are finding out about that” (which isn’t a direct quote, but it is how I registered the sentence you typed). And I just have to say that you are adorable, whether you feel like you are or not. And you totally do not smile like a crazy person.

    Thanks, I appreciate the affirmation. I just wish there were more pictures of me that I like.

  16. I was in the middle of a conference call while reading your post (probably not smart to check my blog feed during a call, but it was pretty boring and not much applicable to me anyway) and it was all I could do to keep from bursting with laughter when I got to five and seven — not that five is a laughing matter — I have those days/weeks/months even all the time quite often and wonder what’s wrong with me.

    Anyway, hilarious post and agree that we all judge ourselves based on our comment numbers. They’ve been down lately, haven’t they? Is everyone just getting really busy at work?

    I’m glad I almost ruined your call in a good way!

  17. Seriously, does tofu count as a bean? Is bean curd different in terms of what it does to your insides? These are good questions!

  18. Great post!

    Tofu will give you gas. It’s just a fact of life. I’ve heard that if you put a tiny bit of baking soda in what ever your cooking, it’ll help with the gas. But the only times I’ve tried it, I ruined what I was cooking because I used too much.

    “I don’t belong out with the fancy people.” I totally relate to this.

  19. I really liked this meme. I really hope your mom isn’t finding out about the nipple ring via blog post haha!

  20. I’ve definitely read before that an unfortunate side effect of eating healthy (especially with vegetables, I think) is increased gassiness. One more reason for me to keep eating the very unhealthy way I do! Yay!

    Also, you are lovely and you do not smile like a crazy person, but I am very sorry that it was my pictures that sent you on that unfounded thought spiral today.

  21. A mobile home surrounded by pines. Those are my six words but not very enticing me thinks.

    Pre-homesteading in Central New Hampshire is five words but, again, not particularly enticing.

    Wannabe homesteader in the Lakes Region. In that “not enticing” trap still.

    Hmmm, I guess I’ll have to think on that some more because I want to be bold!

  22. Posted by elizabeth on April 2, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    Okay….I hear you all waiting for my response to the “lastly” entry.

    Just let me say this…..do you think it is possible to have a nipple pierced and not have a younger sister just happen to “let it slip” at some convenient time…..I’m not saying that is what happened, but could be…(PS I’m sure it won’t interfere with breastfeeding.)

    By the way……that is SOOOO Birmingham in your picture. Did you think the umbrella would actually prevent me from recognizing him?

  23. Wow! Thanks for “tagging me”, linking me and especially for visiting my blog.

    It’s nice to have someone reading what I wrote.

    I’ll certainly give the meme a try, although it takes me forever to write stuff and I write it and rewrite it over and over trying to get it “right”…I guess I’ll leave stuff like that for the meme though.

    I can relate to all of what you wrote…except the piercing and the tofu. That sounds gross…the tofu not the piercing.

  24. Oh, the addiction of comments. The more you get, the more you want.

    And I *hate* having my picture taken.

  25. I delayed reading this post last night, probably for the same reason you delayed writing it. I cant believe I almost missed the nip-ring reveal.

  26. And by “reveal” I mean discussion. Lest anyone out there think I actually got to see the scar.

    And PS – good choice to let the hole close up. Something makes me think the nip-ring would have slowed you down in the pool too.

  27. […] tagged me to share seven things about myself. She cleverly focused her seven items on insecurities, which […]

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