What was going through my head

SATURDAY: I love that it’s warm enough to eat ice cream. I think there’s a courtyard over here that has plenty of seating so I can take it to go and enjoy the weather. You know what’s funny about this place? I can look in the window of the store and see all the other people in the courtyard reflected behind me. For instance, there’s a guy over there who, in an obscured reflection, looks like he could be kind of cute. And now he’s making a cell phone conversation loud enough for the entire courtyard to hear. It’s funny, as he talks, he’ll say something that I find attractive, then he’ll immediately say something that I don’t find attractive. I should work up the nerve to turn around and actually look at him, and see if I find him attractive. But oh, I waited too long, he’s totally gone. I guess I’ll have to consentrate my flirting on that guy from kickball that I find attractive. But really, he was wearing flip flops. I just don’t like them, I’m not sure why. It could be that they’re just too casual, or maybe it stems from living in New York City where if you wear flip flops, all the dirt of the street gets on your feet, and if you don’t wash your feet before bed it gets in your sheets, and I never met anyone who washed their feet every night. But either way, the guy was kind of cute, and I’m going to see if his personality overcomes his footwear choice. Or maybe he washes them before bed. That would be nice. Huh, I wonder if I can somehow combine all those thoughts into a blog post in some way. MONDAY: I have to be at work in 30 minutes, and after that mega “Ruins” post, I really want to come up with something funny. Mickey was right, I raised the bar, and now I want to hold myself to some kind of standard, because there are some people reading this blog who don’t actually know me, and won’t universally love any old crap I throw out there. So what happened that was interesting over the weekend? Not much, really. I worked on Saturday, I had some wonderful people fix my bike on Sunday, and then I rode it around for a while, watched “Space Camp” and went to bed. I’m sure I can make something of the nice bike people and “Space Camp” at some point in the future, but I just did a movie post, and the bike story isn’t finished yet. Oh, I know! That guy in the courtyard, I can talk about him. So what was going through my head while he was talking? Oh, that I liked some of the things he said, but not all the things. How do I make that funny? What if I assign random points to the stuff he said? It will kind of show how I kept changing my mind if he was worth risking talking to him and making an ass of myself. That sort of happened. I’ll embellish a little. Type type type type type. Crap, I’m late for work. I spell checked, but I didn’t proof. Should I change that “child of divorce” line? It’s not really what I meant to say, but I had to come up with something to finish the post. Naw, the people who read this blog will probably get that I mean I don’t want yet another date with someone who’s afraid of commitment because of a previous experience. I guess it’s kind of risky that someone will misinterpret, but what’s the worst that could happen? Besides, I gotta post this mother, this is going to be a busy work week. TUESDAY: Wow, I got my first mean anonymous comment! I always worried I’d be next. Well, it doesn’t bother me so much, the dude didn’t even leave a valid URL with his (or her) spew, so I’ll just respond with a witty retort, and that will be that. WEDNESDAY: Yikes! I have to leave for my first appointment in 5 minutes, and I’ve not written my blog yet. I’ll just throw something up there quick to explain my absence. Publish. OK, I’ll just check out if I have any new comments first. Looking at the sidebar, I see a bunch of new names. Cool! Oh wait, that could be spam Askimet didn’t catch? Oh dear, 93 comments, that’s weird. Oh shit, these are not comments, these are small capsules of hate. What the frak? I gotta go, let me update the post real quick so that the regulars know that I’ve seen this weirdness and that I’m on it. LATER: Thank goodness this coffee shop has wifi. I’m noticing that these comments link to spam and rickrolling and other mean places. I don’t want to do it, but I’m going to have to turn on moderation since I’m not going to be near a computer all day. LATER: The idea that there are people who go to a website to hate on people is actually really getting to me. But I was the one who put all my random crap on the internet, and I knew that there was always a chance that someday there would be people who disagreed. I just never thought there were so many people that would make such vast judgements about me based on a couple hundred words that I wrote. I actually find the ones who judge me on being judgemental kind of funny. The others are hurtful, but almost none of them touched on any real insecurities that I have, so they’re only as hurtful as I’m going to let them be. I think one of them is a legitimate death threat. Okay, it’s not getting to me anymore, because for every 10 mean things, there’s one nice thing, and some of them are from people who aren’t even regular readers. And the nice things from regular readers, those overpower all the bad, because they’re coming from people I tend to respect. So what do I do now? I kind of want to respond to each comment individually, but that’s like shooting fish in a barrel comedy-wise, and my better judgement has always told me to ignore shit like that. But I don’t want to ignore it, because it happened, and I’m up-tight and it’s ruining my plans and my nice neat little blog where people are trusting and nice to each other and are having good fun with this modern hobby. It’s not like I even go out and get lots of people to try and read my blog, and I’ve never even tried to make any money from it. I have no problem with being up-tight, it’s gotten me pretty far in life. So how do I respond? Stop blogging completely? Not going to happen. If I ignore, that will be denying the fact that something bothered me, and that’s not the kind of dishonest I want here (blending a courtyard guy with a flip flop guy is about the limit of my deception.) If I retaliate, that’s sinking to their level. If I try to reason, well, that’s like trying to convince Antonin Scalia that it might actually be wrong for the state to kill poeple. But if I write a really long stream-of-consciousness post in italics, well then the only people who will bother to read it are the ones who actually like this blog, and maybe the haters will go pick on someone else by leaving comments and not ONE SINGLE VALID URL. And when they do, I’ll be right there to give that next target of the haters a virtual hug. Also, I’m keeping moderation on as this thing blows over, and not letting any more anonymous comments on to future posts. But I’m keeping the old ones up there on that post. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s because I believe in free speech, or maybe to keep my head from getting too big, or maybe as a reminder to others that for all the good and decent and talented bloggers out there, jerks do run amok as well. Either way, I’m up way past my bedtime, and I know that I’m on top because I’m still happy about my life, my chances of being a happy person in the future, and the fact that I’m already where I want to be. Actually, the only thing that’s making me unhappy right now is that I still couldn’t get the wifi working (thanks for the tip, abbersnail, but it was a no-go) and this 1998 Toshiba that makes giant whoorling noises when I type too fast. That and I’m going to be away from the web all day Thursday, so I can’t send all you lovers comment love in return until some undiscolsed time in the future.


30 responses to this post.

  1. Ah, well. It appears we are both up. I just left a comment on your last post, but to reiterate, I’m really sorry that you got so disrespected and treated vilely. It does tend to ruin the cool “blogging contemporaries” vibe we’ve all got going on here when this kind of thing happens, and considering I once Photoshopped Cheez-Its into Jesus’s hand, I feel like I’ve dodged a bullet so far.

    Whatever else, please don’t let it get to you. There are a lot of us who love your blog, get your humor, and would be left wanting if we didn’t have you to read. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

  2. your posting is great.

  3. Posted by tinetastic on April 17, 2008 at 4:39 am

    You don’t have to post this one, but you should check the isp addresses. IDK what you’ll do with an ISP addy but at least you’ll know if it’s one or many. Those comments, I went back and read them, were making me angry. You’re a super nice person, and I am glad to know you. That person (or persons) was a immature attention seeker who has nothing better to do then comment anonymously on someone they don’t know’s blog. He/She (perhaps a tranie) should probably get a life.

  4. I’ve never experienced the high volume anonymous nasty comments, only individual ones. My individual ones always bug me, too. Criticize me if you wish, but include your url, you know? I’m going to take a positive spin on this for you – The fact that 50 or 75 people bothered to take time out of their apparently not so busy day to hate on you makes you some sort of cult hero (or nemesis). 🙂

  5. I can’t believe there were so many mean comments. It’s a ridiculous waste of time for whoever it was. I guess it makes you somet sort of a big deal if you got so many hate comments. You’re awesome! I think I would have handled it much worse and only provoked them even more.

  6. Ditto on Aaron- so far, I have dodged a bullet with the anonymous commenters. But I think you should just try to put it past you and think of it as a blogging rite of passage.

    Even though it’s annoying as hell.

  7. See, here is the thing, you can not tell me that those people have never not dated someone. Whenever you don’t date someone there is a reason. We all have limits. You just announced yours. I do it often as well. Did that just make sense. All of those people were simply being hypocritical.

    We all love you, love your opinions and ideals. They can bite it.

  8. Made it through the italics! I’m sorry people were nasty. I don’t get that type of behavior at all.

    Because it’s actually warm here in the Arctic tundra I decided to wear flip flops and now I’m feeling a bit icky at the thought of street dirt on my feet. I’ll make sure to wash them before bed!

  9. Posted by ho-ho-kus man on April 17, 2008 at 8:26 am

    The nasty assholes don’t really hate you, they just have technology and too much time on their hands. Ignore them, you know who your friends are.

  10. Posted by Kate on April 17, 2008 at 8:31 am

    CCT- Sorry that you were bombarded. You’re a great writer, keep it up. Though, in all honesty, this italics post was REALLY hard to read. Now I’m even more angry at the anonymous sissy’s for making you resort to it!

  11. I don’t know you and I pretty much universally love any old crap you throw out there. 🙂 What I mean to say is that you rock and anyone who reads your blog on a regular basis has to be rooting for you and laughing with you and coming back to see what you’re up to because you’re such an amazing person that it even comes across over the internet.

  12. Posted by lizgwiz on April 17, 2008 at 9:28 am

    I’ve never gotten an anonymous hate comment. And I realize I’m kind of jealous. What, aren’t I provocative in any way? Hee. (Okay, I realize I just set myself up for one of you guys to “anonymously” “hate” on me soon.)

  13. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I actually thought that the meanest comments were the funniest ones because are these people really working themselves into a rage about your not-serious post? They have serious problems, which makes me laugh at them because I am mean.

  14. Posted by Tucker on April 17, 2008 at 10:25 am

    Locke was in Space Camp!!!!!

  15. Posted by Jennifer M. on April 17, 2008 at 10:33 am

    I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad experience.

    I was working a college fair last night for the alma mater and I was commenting to the Admissions lady working the table with me that I remember my freshman year, getting an email address was optional and you had to go request one. We’ve come quite a long way in the intervening years.

    The internet is pretty awesome. I can find lots of useful information and meet fun people. However, I also feel that the anonymity unleashes the beast in a lot of people. I don’t really spend too much time on forums anymore due to the overwhelming level of vitriol out there. Whenever you have an alternate point of view, or cite a different interpretation, you get hit with personal attacks that are freakishly out of proportion.

    On a more “up” sidenote, I would have loved a post on “Space Camp”. Love that movie, LOVE!

  16. But if I write a really long stream-of-consciousness post in italics, well then the only people who will bother to read it are the ones who actually like this blog


  17. Yeah, we’re all pissed for you. I wouldn’t be able to ignore it, either.

    Unfortunately, you have raised the bar still further by being named a Blog of Distinction. Good luck with the pressure from THAT.

  18. Well, I must be somebody who likes you and your blog, because I DID read an entire italicized stream of consciousness post. 🙂 What sucks is you shouldn’t even have had to explain that. Anyone with half a clue should have realized that was exactly what you were doing with that post. I can’t believe anyone actually took it seriously and condemned you for it. The Internet, it is baffling sometimes.

    I’m glad you are taking it all in stride. I’m not sure I would have.

  19. people who aren’t willing to stand behind their comments with an actual identity are cowards. it only took reading a few of those comments to figure out that they didn’t bother to learn anything else about you beyond that one post.

  20. 🙂

    This is a great response to the haterade.

  21. need i say more than you funny? i come here, i read, i laugh, and i can carry on with my day, happier. when you not funny, i cry or smile or think about what you’ve written, and can carry on with my day, still happier.

    either way, i win and you win in this situation so keep it up please.

  22. holy COW! i just went back to see the comments and such. noelle, really, don’t even let those things linger. trash talk. all of it.

    double standard my ass! comment #60, posted by a guy if it is to be taken in honesty, is the exact thing I’ve heard countless male friends say they do in meeting ANY and EVERY woman. even when they are already WITH a woman. and that’s totally acceptable and cool. the moment a woman starts to do the same and flaunt it (cause we probably ALL ALREADY DO SOMETHING) i think men and other women just get all scared when a woman shows the same confidence and abilities as a man. defines herself and her sexual needs and doesn’t have to hide it. or at least get cowed by the wit in making fun of the whole deal all together!!!

    can people not get a joke? a slight spin?

    wow. people are so bored with their time and their lives that they rip on a BLOG about a trivial subject. what if you really said something worth all that anger…watch out! the internet might explode everyone’s computers. 🙂

  23. Dude, Locke was in Space Camp? I love that movie! Tate Donovan = yum!

    It takes less effort to spew hate than it does to show love. So down with the haters! I was so mad on your behalf.

    Only capsules of love are permitted here =)

  24. Well, I read all the italics. I think you’re super. So. THERE.

    I kind of agree with -R- that the meanest comments were also the most hilarious. Those people were really ridiculous. I was kind of imagining a gang of computer geeks ganging up on you because you actually have *GASP* a sense of humor!

    Granted, I still totally wanted to kick their dweeby little asses!

  25. Posted by supersobe on April 17, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    Maybe you got virused or something. Or one person had a particularly splintery stick up their ass. Or maybe McLean Hospital picked up someone’s wireless briefly. That was just wrong.

    There is a difference between constructive expression of opinion and immature I don’t even know what that was.

    Let’s roller derby their asses all the way to Poughkeepsie and BEYOND!

    I adore you. You are good enough, strong enough, and gosh darn it, people like you. Well I do and that’s all that matters. LOL.

  26. you can’t be an artist until you stir up controversy! i got my first icky comment recently too. i sat slack jawed for awhile…

    now it makes me proud. ha

  27. Man, I totally missed out on the whole comment-a-hate-a-thon until just now. I have this problem with my real-world job where I put something creative out there and then the feasting from the haters begins. It really does suck and make you question why you do it and if you’re really cut out to blog or write or whatever. But that’s what those morons want you to think.

    I just tell myself that it’s because they don’t know how to deal with their own insecurities, so they try to exploit others’ insecurities. Or they have a small you know what.

  28. I barely feel like I have time to read bloggers I actually LIKE and want to say NICE things about. These nasty people? Are losers.

  29. The anonymous commenters are unintentionally hilarious. I love mine, and I think that annoys them all the more.

  30. I hate when people leave comments with a fake email address. It irritates me! Because I need to respond to you and say SUCK IT!

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