Blogshare

Hi everyone! Today is yet again another blogshare day. That means that the following is an anonymous post written by SOMEONE ELSE. In turn, I wrote an anonymous post that is SOMEWHERE ELSE. Please welcome my guest, and if you want to read all the anonymous posts on the internet today, a list of all participants appears after the jump. And again, thanks to -R- for putting it all together.

My boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. My boyfriend loves me. We are in a stable, solid relationship. We talk about our kids, we talk about our future. But my boyfriend? Is addicted to condoms.

Let me be clear: I am all for being safe. We’ve both been tested for all the various and sundry diseases that can happen “down there,” so this isn’t an STD issue. I’m also on the Pill, so this isn’t an issue of pregnancy. No, instead this is an issue of my boyfriend hating change.

Seriously. We’ve talked about it, and he’s like, “but what if I don’t like sex without a condom? What if it doesn’t feel as good???”

I’m flabbergasted. How do I combat that? What could I possibly say? “Oh, my last boyfriend vastly preferred having sex with me without a condom. He said it felt AMAZING.” Yeah, not so much.
So instead, we go out and buy condoms. And really, is there anything more awkward than buying condoms? I would argue that there is not. Sure, boys feel awkward buying tampons, but whatever. Going as a couple to a Walgreen’s and walking up to the counter to buy condoms screams, “We’re just having fun! We’re not in a committed relationship! JUDGE US!” Or worse, the frequent times when we have to stop somewhere like a damn gas station late at night. “Oh, no, we’re not having a one night stand. I swear!”

sigh

And we have the conversation about the condoms in the condom aisle. We ponder whether he’d prefer one brand or another. We analyze which we’ve tried, and which we haven’t. In one horrifying moment, we stood next to an elderly lady while he reminisced aloud which condom had been used in which “intimate moment.” He also asks my opinion, which I maintain really doesn’t matter. Can I tell a difference between the various and sundry brands of condoms? Nope.

This is really just a small annoyance. Ultimately, he will get over this. Granted, it’s been almost a year, but I know that eventually he’ll get over it. And there’s a part of me that likes the fact that I’ll be, in a small way, his “first.” His “only.” But damn, can’t we hurry it up already?

The participating blogs:
Vent Vox
Turn On The Stars
Trudie – Life After AC
Swimming With Sharks
Stefanie Says
Shhh! Librarian-In-Training
Sauntering Soul
Sass Attack
Reflections in the Snow Covered Hills
Red Red Whine
Our Simplicity
One New Duck
Oh My Seven
The Occasional Truth
No Lady
Nancy Pearl Wannabe
Muse On Vacation
Messing With Texas
Melliferous Pants
Lizland
Live Work Dream
Just Below 63
Jonniker
Java Literally
Heidikins
Full of Snark
Face Down
Ex Everything
Everything I Like Causes Cancer
Did I Say That Outloud?
The Daily Tannenbaum
The Coconut Diaries
Citystreams
Catheroominations
Bright Yellow World
Breath Smiles Tears
And You Know What Else
Alyndabear
3 Carnations

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28 responses to this post.

  1. Great post. I suspect he will like it just fine when the time comes. Heh.

    And buying them? So awkward. Always an old lady at the register, too, isn’t it?

  2. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on July 16, 2008 at 9:52 am

    Ha! I have never heard of a guy who preferred to wear a condom, but I suppose safety first is a good rule to live by.

  3. Posted by another blogshare person on July 16, 2008 at 10:08 am

    I didn’t want my Mom to find this reply if she googled my website. So here’s my burning question.

    How does he handle the um… hand jobs? Does he wear a condom then? Seems like he should know what it feels like already. Sort of.

  4. I guess it’s a plus that he puts safety first! And why wouldn’t he like it without one? Every guy does.

    I remember in high school I was in a drug store with my boyfriend, and we bought condoms. As we were walking out, we ran into his mom. Talk about awkward.

  5. Posted by Amity on July 16, 2008 at 10:46 am

    Better than the alternative–I dated I guy that had erectile issues if you even mentioned the word condom. He claimed that he’d had some kind of allergic reaction to them, or something. HATED them. Would not touch them.

  6. Posted by Blog Share Participant on July 16, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Ha! Seriously, I thought all guys were trained to say, “Baby, I don’t have to wear one. It will be fine. Really. ”

    Condoms are definitely the most embarrassing thing to buy.

  7. Condoms are the WORST to buy. So embarrassing! But hey, at least he’s a safety-first kind of guy!

  8. Who is this strange man who prefers condoms?

    I HATE buying condoms. If you’re with your partner, it’s like WE’RE ABOUT TO HUMP. If you’re alone, it’s like I AM A SINGLE WOMAN WHO IS GOING TO HUMP SOMEONE, SOON. No win!

  9. This feels strange to me. My experience has mostly been with guys who feel the opposite about condoms. Perhaps he has a really deep-rooted fear of getting someone pregnant?

  10. Posted by lizgwiz on July 16, 2008 at 11:49 am

    I’ve never known a guy who liked condoms. I have known more than one guy who HATED condoms. I guess he’s a freak. (And I mean that in the nicest possible way.) 😉

  11. Condoms make me sad.

  12. I’ve never heard of a guy preferring condoms. I’m with you, I would want to A) not waste the money anymore and B) feel like he’s really in it for me for a long haul.

  13. If the cashier says “have a good day/night” you have to say, “Oh, we plan to!” 🙂

  14. can’t you just say you’ve heard sex without a condom for guys is way better? no need to bring in an ex boyfriend to do so.

    and point two – save money!

  15. Posted by thecoconutdiaries on July 16, 2008 at 3:04 pm

    I can totally see this as a PSA for safe sex. Who should play you guys? I hear Heidi and Spencer are free.

  16. I know this ‘problem’ is not funny to you, but I was cracking up while reading your post. I wish I had advice to give you but like everyone else, I’ve never met a man who preferred condoms.

    And for the record, I’ve never purchased them in my life. I figure if I’ve never asked a guy to buy my tampons then he’s on his own buying condoms. I would die of embarassment! Apparently I’m 12 years old.

  17. Reminds me of the entire first year of my period in which I was reluctant to try tampons, because it was so new and scary, and what if it hurt? And so I sat on bloody pads for an entire year. And then I tried the tampons finally and never looked back.

    This, too, shall happen to your boyfriend. Well, not the tampon thing, but you get what I mean.

  18. Ha! Oh, dear. I have never heard of a guy preferring condoms. Oy. BUT – I will say, from back in my actual condom using days (yay, marriage!), there was this brand I used to call the Fancy Condom, called Kimono. You had to go into an actual sex shop to buy it, which was shockingly less embarrassing because there are a hell of a lot more embarrassing things one could buy in a sex shop. Maybe you could try those as a transition?

    Wait – never mind. Then he woudl like condoms even better.

    Is there any chance at all that he has something and he’s embarrassed to admit it, yet still wants to be careful not to transmit it to you? (no offense. I do not know you or your boyfriend, at least I don’t think I do, so I am asking this without judgment).

  19. Posted by Pants on July 16, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    One of my old boyfriends had the same problem! He was inexperienced in that “neighborhood” and was terrified that I may become accidentally pregnant, even though I was on the pill. He’s the only guy who I’ve ever had that problem with. Though come to think of it, he was a REALLY strange guy; the only person who I’ve ever heard say, “Put a little teeth into it.”

    (Over share complete.)

  20. After reading the first paragraph, I thought that you were going to say he’d wear more than one at a time or he bought them in bulk. I agree that the first time he does it without one he’ll be cured.

    Also: I love that he asks your opinion in the store. Maybe you could ask him his opinion on feminine hygiene products.

  21. Add me to the camp who’s shocked that there’s a guy out there who prefers condoms. Usually (in my limited experience) it’s quite the opposite. Odd.

    As for buying them, um, is there a reason you have to buy them together? If he’s the one who wants to use them, can’t HE just be responsible for getting them? You know, just on his usual errands for shaving cream and toothpaste and whatnot? Presumably you’re footing the bill for and going to pick up your pill prescription on your own; seems like the other half could be his responsibility. Just my two cents.

  22. I have a whole wack of condoms I could send you (and therefore save you some moolah) as we don’t use them anymore 😛

    Have you ever tried female condoms?

  23. I know lots of men who prefer and feel comfortable with condoms. And why not? We are living in 2008 and scary times!!!

  24. Oh man! I definitely think this is a problem. There a certain quality of intimacy lacking if you always wear condoms. But maybe he’s afraid he won’t be able to…satisfy you without one?

    Hope this works out!

  25. Posted by The author on July 17, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    Thanks everyone! I kind of find this hilarious, not hurtful or anything. It was really interesting to hear all of your feelings on the subject!

  26. Wow. I’ve never known any guy like that! He should be dissected and studied by researchers 🙂

    But you’re totally right. There is nothing more humiliating than buying condoms. I’d rather buy 20 packs of tampons before buying a box of condoms.

  27. Wow, I have never heard of that. Although my bf is extremely… erm… safe in that area too, he would never say he preferred it that way.
    Worst condom experience? Taking a box back to the shop to say to the 16 year old pimply shop attendant “These are faulty, 3 of them have broken so far”. My bf waited in the car for me.

  28. Posted by FDP on July 25, 2008 at 5:49 am

    I have to say I’ve never been embarassed to buy condoms…just did it and never thought twice about it. When I was single I truly didn’t care who knew that I was having sex, I mean I was in my 20’s and living in NYC, wasn’t having sex SOP??? And shouldn’t buying condoms also be SOP? (That’s Standard Operating Procedure folks). Even now nearly 2 years married and condoms are the way of life…hhmmmmmmm, I wonder if we Americans couldn’t benefit from a tiny little bit of Victorian de-programing…I mean seriously, better the teenagers today get use to buying condoms rather than get use to unplanned pregnancy!

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