The floodlighted night

I’m going on record here.  I am the one person on the internet who didn’t really like the new Batman movie.

Admittedly, I went in more interested in being air conditioned for two and a half hours, not because I was hoping it would be The Greatest Movie Of All Time.  But still, I was kind of disappointed.  Not to write a movie review or anything, I just thought that it was convoluted and overly self-important, and I think it’s a tragedy to bring Cillian Murphy into a movie and then only put him in one scene where he has a bag over his head 90% of the time.  Also, I just can’t stand movies where stuff gets wantonly destroyed.  Under no circumstance should anyone crash a car that is worth more money than I will make in my entire life.

And yes, Heath Ledger was great like they all say, but that wasn’t enough to make me want to sit though it again or heartily recommend it to everyone I know.  All that being said, it was still better than The Ruins.

Other than that, I had a totally rocking weekend where I went sailing and got to ride in a convertible and ate homemade ice cream in a complete affront to no-sugar July.  And then I had an encounter with the landlesbian.

I’m almost loathe to tell stories, because I think she’s reached a tipping point of going from eccentric to actually certifiable.  Her tangents are even more tangential and her outbursts are even more outbursty.  And she’s been leaving lights on all night long, and they shine into my backyard.  Earlier, I was leaving the house and she was standing around, looking at my tomato plant.

“Noelle, your tomato is ready to be eaten.”

“I noticed, I’m planning on leaving it on the vine another day and then I’ll pick it.  You can have it if you want it though.” (I’m practically a sharecropper!)

“You need to pick it and show it to your friends!”

“Or I could just eat it.”

“You know, we have a great bounty and history here in Connecticut and New York and it needs to be shared with friends!”

“um, right.”

“In fact, in Connecticut they have stone houses that are so old, they charge you $100 an hour to restore them.  So think about that!”

“Would you like the tomato, landlesbian?”

“It’s just a damn shame how much they charge you to restore buildings.”  (I am not aware that she owns any property with stone structures in Connecticut, but whatever.)

“Anyway, I think I need to go now.”

“You’re just like Isabel Archer.  Now pick that tomato and show it off!”

I told her I would and drove off as quickly and deliberately as possible.  I did not pick the tomato at that time.  I hope I don’t come home to find that she’s burned down the plant in revenge or something.  And I sure as heck hope that she doesn’t get recruited by the Joker as part of his army of the insane.

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22 responses to this post.

  1. Would you just swicth your blog name to Isabel Archer, already? You know you want to…

    …and eat that tomato.

    I’m just so attached to Noelle Tannenbaum, though.

  2. I never made it through Batman Begins. I tried THREE times and kept either falling asleep, leaving to bake cookies and run errands, or lost all interest in the movie altogether so much so that I JUST learned that the scarecrow was in it at some point. Who knew?

    I liked the first one, maybe I was in the right mindset at that time.

  3. I saw The Dark Knight last night and really liked it. I didn’t go into it with high expectations though.

    The landlesbian really likes produce, I guess? That is odd.

    She does, and even better, getting stuff for free.

  4. Posted by lizgwiz on July 21, 2008 at 10:46 am

    You can send the tomato to me. So far, all I’ve gotten in the way of a tomato crop is one Sweet 100. Off the plant that is dying. That’s one pea-sized tomato for $3.50. Money well-spent!

    Oh, I hear you on that. A bounty of a tomato is depressing.

  5. Damn it, Noelle, PICK THE TOMATO!

    I opted against Batman this weekend and saw Mamma Mia! instead. It was equal parts awful and AWESOME. I highly recommend.

    Mamma Mia! is playing at my local drive in. With “Wanted.”

  6. I’m going to be This Person and say … How could you not like The Dark Knight? It was so good!

    And how did you not see that a conversation about one tomato would turn into a gripe session about the cost of restoring old houses? That’s only logical.

    I recognize that it was a good movie, but I didn’t enjoy it.

  7. She sounds great!

    a trip, indeed.

  8. And Batman will never forgive you.

    NEVER!!!

    The thing about Batman is that he doesn’t care what I think. That pussy Spiderman would, though.

  9. I loved The Dark Knight after the fact, but had a really hard time watching some of it — the destruction, etc. and I don’t think I ever need to see a gun pointed at a little kid’s head. I needed a few minutes after the movie was over to decide that I thought it was actually fantastic. I never got distracted by bad dialogue – which is a big one for me. And I think there were some really interesting political statements going on — planned terrorism vs. chaos — I came out on the side of loving it, but I can see how a slightly different mood would have pushed me the other way.

    I guess I thought the political message was a little too extreme and trying to be too profound. Because they never address the fact of millions or billions of dollars in collateral damage. And even I knew not to shoot at the clowns in the high rise.

  10. I think I’m the one person who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight, so I won’t judge you.

    I appreciate that.

  11. AG is going on record that she hates Batman and all “super-hereos”. The only s-h she wants to meet is a single Jewish doctor who can cure her woes for the single girls blues!!!

    I would much rather a boyfriend than a masked crusader.

  12. Oh Landlesbian, how I love your crazy antics.

    I loved Batman Begins because it was so much better than any other of the Batman movies.

    I’m sure I’ll like this, I just wish they would stop talking about Heath Ledger and the fact that he is dead. I know this.

    Yes, this is by far and away a better movie than the preceding ones.

  13. I’ll take your word for it on the new batman movie. Wasn’t interested in seeing it in the first place — even if Heath is in it — but I was willing to be swayed if Wolf traded seeing it for a chick flick.

    It’s not terrible to sit through, it’s just that I can think of dozens of other movies I’d rather see. Comedies, mostly.

  14. She said ‘bounty’? Legitimately??

    Weird.

    Yeah, in context and everything.

  15. ok so i liked the dark knight. but i didn’t LOVE it at all. i would say still go see it though.

    I’m glad I saw it and maybe I just developed my opinion because I like to be contrary.

  16. Modern Gal and I are the only TWO people who haven’t seen it yet. As such, I can’t confirm or oppose anything you said.

    Is Landlesbian really still calling you Isabel Archer? Who knew that was going to stick?

    She pulls things out of nowhere all of a sudden like that.

  17. If she starts talking like the hybrid from BSG, be afraid.

    It is like that! But slower, much slower.

  18. Hmm. I loved Batman because a lot of stuff blew up, so I can see where I steered you wrong. Ah well, at least you have a tomato waiting to comfort you at home.

    I was impressed that the one explosion seemed to be in one take, but other than that…

  19. I will have to post about my mid-hudson tomato some time. Let’s hope you actually remember the taste of yours…

    I hope it’s good, the other one was.

  20. I am contemplating a drive up to your valley to witness the tomato myself, but with the price of gas so high I am hoping you will consider a worldwide podcast to share the bounty represented through the plucking of the vine-ripe beauty.

    I was hoping to have a reason to podcast again, this could be my inspiration!

  21. I have to disagree with you on Batman, I thought it was pretty awesome actually. Although I do agree with you about Cillian Murphy’s too short screen time…I think it’s hard to complain about anything that also gives you two and a half hours of Christian Bale.

  22. Posted by Aaron on August 1, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    Cillian Murphy’s one second cameo was actually a delight for me; the moment his lovely face appeared, Mara nudged me in an “I think your non-gay crush is cute but don’t get too excited” sort of way.

    Which, by the way, hands off the C. Murph.

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