I suppose I’m a Red, then

I had an eppiphany today.  I’m really a Republican.

Yesterday, I picked up keys to my new place and started moving in.  Yet, I still have the keys to the cottage, and I’ll have them until I move this weekend.  That means that for the entire duration of this week, I will be a person who lives in more than one home.

Just like John McCain!

I don’t know at what point I’ll forget how many homes I have, but I’m sure it won’t take long once I embrace this conservative viewpoint.

And as I continue the daily struggle of finding a way for the cats to behave, I finally decided to go to the vet (side note: mmmm… vet…) and get Micki some behavior modification meds.  So now she’s all drugged up.

Just like Cindy McCain!  And Rush Limbaugh!

And then I was thinking about how recently I was distressed that the local paper reported on the Empire State Games and only mentioned two of my SEVEN of my gold medals.  And it made me so mad at the media.

Just like Sarah “Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion” Palin!

Note from the side of me that isn’t kidding: are all those cheering Palin supporters really so naive to think that a democracy without the fourth estate is really a democracy worth having?  Just because reporters tell a story you don’t like?  Even if it’s true?

Finally, as I do this move, I’m finding that it’s very hard to recycle everything I need to trash (I packed my recycling bin and can’t find it), and I’m driving like a maniac back and forth between my two homes, and I’m leaving the lights on in all my rooms as I shuffle back and forth packing up boxes.  This month, I’ve got a carbon footprint about double my normal one.

Just like the global warming denying, science avioding, “just bomb it to oblivion” Republicans!

I’m actually pretty glad that I’ve come to this decision.  Being a pansy ass, nuanced Democrat who knows she’s right but just can’t win an election was getting so tiring.  Negotiations and compromises take too long.  I’m putting on the blinders and looking straight ahead into that glorious American sky from now on, and I’ve never been happier!  USA! USA! USA!


21 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on September 4, 2008 at 9:02 am

    You win. Republicans all around!

    Life just got easy again!

  2. Plus, you are hot, of course, and isn’t that what people are most excited about with Sarah Palin this week?

    That’s true. And we both wear glasses.

  3. Drill! Drill! Drill!

    I like that they’re not even paying lip service to renewable resources. There’s only so much hypocrisy one can take.

  4. And since moving was obviously an anti-gay ploy to get away from the landlesbian and the water lesbian, I’m sure the Republican Party will embrace you with open arms.

    It’s true. I condemn their lifestyle choices.

  5. “Sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion” Palin LOL

    This is the best, most bang on, succinct description that I have read of Palin anywhere in the media, I just died laughing at my desk – you’re amazing!!

    It’s all I can think of when I see her!

  6. Posted by lizgwiz on September 4, 2008 at 10:30 am

    When are you getting your Hummer? You’ll need it to haul home the moose carcass for dressing.

    Well with all the money I saved in taxes, I of course already have one.

  7. i’m worried about the state of the fourth estate. seems like they’re not asking ENOUGH questions these days.

    I thought they did pretty well during this convention. But generally, I do think there is too much commentating and not enough investigating.

  8. Another one bites the dust…

    I live in New York anyway. My vote don’t count.

  9. I’m glad you have arrived at this important decision. Drill Baby Drill! (Yikes, I can’t believe I just typed that, even in jest.)

    Go wash your hands. You’ll be okay.

  10. Palin scared the hell out of me last night.

    She’s so mean spirited.

  11. Where’s your flag lapel pin?

    As a member of the fourth estate, I’d like to point out to politicians everywhere that the media gets to vote too. And the media doesn’t vote in quite the rigid bloc as everyone seems to think we do. I’m tired of being picked on. 🙂

    I don’t even have a lapel.

  12. Oh, man…I feel so much better! I’ve been getting angrier and angrier every day this damn RNC goes by, fretting about the election, hating the general electorate for not supporting Obama by an overwhelming majority…and it turns out all I have to do is go Red, drink the Kool-Aid, and just be happy! That tears it: I’m throwing this RFK book I’ve been reading in the trash!

    That’s right! Stop learning, it doesn’t matter. God just made it that way.

  13. Oh my gosh! I must be a republican toooo! And for shame I thought this ENTIRE time I was a democrat.

    Sigh. I can’t believe there were people CRYING over Palin’s speech. Unless they were crying by just how ridiculous this all is? Maybe they were crying because they realized they could no longer support the republicans?

    They were crying because they were scared of her.

  14. Posted by Pants on September 4, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    I listened to the RNC last night while I was studying…aka, spying. My spying efforts made me throw up all over my algebra homework. Her speech made me really sad.

    Yeah, it makes me sad too. Why are there not more Democrats?

  15. Brilliant! Love, love, love it!

    That’s because you’re secretly on my side, right?

  16. are you being sarcastic noelle?!?!

    the above statement was sarcastic ; )

    Yes, but not as sarcastic as Palin was in her speech.

  17. Now, all you have to be in annoying, able to read your speech from a teleprompter and in MN!

    Sadly, while I’ve got more foreign experience than Palin, I do not have as much camera time as she does. I’m a terrible reader.

  18. I’m conservative, registered independent, voting Republican, NOT an Obama fan at all, do like the McCain/Palin ticket, we all have our reasons for who we are voting for but I have to say, you made me laugh in this blog. Brilliantly written!

  19. Good satire!! you vegan you. even tho you’re not old enof to be a hippie i might get you this bumper sticker when i find it: Where have all the hippies gone.

  20. And, are you selling any items, like say a jet, on eBay? Like Sarah Palin?

  21. Hahahahahaha!

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