NSFW?

On Saturday, I was hanging out with a friend from swimming and he asked me about my plans for Sunday.

“I’m going to ask Birmingham to come over to my place and screw.”

“Does that mean you guys are back together?”

“No, it means I have some shelves I need to be put up and I my drill is 100% broken.”

And indeed, on Sunday, Birmingham arrived with his drill, his stud detector, and some caulk.  It was one hot and sweaty day.

First, we screwed in the dining room:

The dining room is mostly behind us. I don't have a table yet, but at least I have shelves!

Then, we screwed in the bathroom:

in all my life I've always wanted a glass canister with cotton balls.  Now I have one!

True story: in all my life I've wanted a glass canister with cotton balls. Now I have one!

Then, we screwed in the kitchen:

Twice.

It was spicy.

When we were done screwing, he nailed me in the hall:

That picture reminds me of my time in Paris. It was a very blurry trip.

And then we nailed a little in the bedroom, just to be traditional:

That painting used to be in my Grandpa's living room.

That painting used to be in my Grandpa's living room.

The one place where we didn’t do it was the living room.  My jury’s still out on what to put over my (newly slipcovered and throw pillowed) love seat.  Any ideas?

It's blurry on purpose, I swear.

If you come up with something good, maybe you too can come over and screw.  I’m easy like that.

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19 responses to this post.

  1. Oh, you are hilarious, my friend. I hope you and Birmingham used protection. (Which I guess in this case is… safety goggles?)

    Yeah, and heavy gloves.

  2. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on September 16, 2008 at 10:06 am

    The glass jar with cotton balls is my favorite part of your very cute apartment.

    The very favorite? Okay, it’s mine too. I only wish I ever had a use for cotton balls.

  3. Oh no, no kitchen table? You had to leave your saw horse and door table behind? That is sad. And unfortunately I have nothing sarcastic to add. I’m feeling unsmart today.

    Yeah, there was no way that that monstrosity was leaving that cottage.

  4. “It was spicy.”

    Fantastic.

    Thanks!

  5. Posted by lizgwiz on September 16, 2008 at 10:21 am

    I wish I had an ex who would come over and screw me. (Actually, I do have a very handy friend, who long ago was a “friend with benefits,” who sometimes helps me do things like rebuild walls that have been eaten by nervous dogs and put back together toilets that I optimistically took apart, but I can’t ask too much of him, since he’s married now and I don’t want to piss off his wife. She’s very sweet, but I think she could take me. Heh.)

    Sometimes it’s okay to screw with a married man, but usually only if the wife is watching.

  6. You have lots of plants! My mom would be very impressed. Every time she visits, she complains about how I don’t have any plants in my house.

    The new apartment is very cute. It looks really big. I bet that’s what you said when you were screwing this weekend.

    I’ve never seen one so big before, and the floors are so… hard.

  7. Yes, I just made a that’s what she said joke. I apologize.

    Please don’t! I’ll take more if you’ve got them!

  8. BEAUTIFUL!!!

    ’tis, no?

  9. we put a huge mirror over the sofa, because it reflects and doubles the lake view out the window. it was the contractor’s idea, and it looks lovely.

    but i’m sure people who come over think we’re vain.

    Only if you take credit for the lake.

  10. LOL. I particularly enjoyed the “spicy” bit.

    Thanks. I love it when things mean two things.

  11. Hahaha!

    Your new place has excellent light! It’s really cute and I’m so impressed that you’ve managed to make it look very un-corporate apartment-y so fast!

    My corporate apartment always kind of looked like I was living in a back room at The Gap.

    The light, oh how much I love the light!

  12. Very cute apartment and I love the shelves. Thank god for those who know how to screw, huh? Or I should say, have the equipment!

    Some say it’s about what you do with it, but I say it’s important to have the right tools.

  13. I feel comfortable in this context revealing that “caulk” jokes never, ever get old to me.

    How could the ever get old? It’s the joke that keeps on giving.

  14. brilliant! i give you serious funny creative points for this post!

    Thank you! And where can I redeem these points?

  15. I had a caulk incident at my last apartment. I’ll spare you the details excpet to say that it gave me the ability to say to friends, “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to walk into your apartment and hear your roommate begging for her boyfriend’s caulk?” Needless to say, I live alone now.

  16. 1. your place looks really nice.

    2. did you get your gift? did it make sense?

    3. is it totally immature of me to be impressed that you stayed friends with Birmingham? i find it impossible to stay friends with men i was once so close to, but not anymore. unless i am the “dumper” and i “move on” first. i know, immature.

  17. You are hilarious.

  18. What a screwy day!

  19. I am glad you were able to consummate the new apartment with some good old fashioned screwing. A place for everything and everything in its place.

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