Eat my bubbles

I’ve got another swim meet coming up this Sunday.  It’s a really small one up in the Adirondacks, so I’m only swimming in five events.  I’m not certain if this race rewards swimmers with medals or ribbons, but either way, I’m guaranteed to place first in my age group in four events.  But as for the fifth, I have real competition this time!  And furthermore, it’s from a girl who swims in my lane at the pool, so we’re pretty evenly matched.  The problem is that the race we share is the first event, and it’s the 500 yard freestyle, which I planned on swimming sort of slowly so I could warm up for the other events.

But what’s the point of racing at warming up pace just to compete against myself in the other four races?

The other point to note is that I’m carpooling to the race with my competitor. I could use those two and a half hours to psyche her out, but I’m no good at intentional mind games, they always backfire one me.  Maybe I’ll just offer her some homemade jam laced with muscle relaxer.

But I don’t have any homemade jam.  Or muscle relaxer, or anything else that would ruin performance without creating murder for that matter.  Also, I think I just sent her an email with my blog signature on the bottom, so there’s a slight chance she might have clicked on the link and read this entire post, which I think would destroy any bond of trust we developed by being lane mates.

I suppose that means I just wrote myself into the corner of having to swim a fair race.  And maybe that was my point all along.  Oh well.  May the best swimmer (or me) win!


16 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by nancypearlwannabe on October 24, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Good luck at the race! I don’t know this lane-sharer friend so I don’t feel badly about rooting for you.

  2. Or maybe this whole blog post was a bit of reverse-psychology psych out on her? Brilliant!

  3. Hahahaha. Good luck!

    Maybe tell her she sounds stuffy and hand her some Benedryl?

  4. Fair race, shmair race. Muscle relaxers to the rescue!

  5. I always thought I would be a good distance swimmer, but I never did get the chance to race a 500. At this point in time, I’d putter out by the time I finished the first 100 or so.

  6. We have some homemade jam. Someone we know keeps giving us jars of it. It’s delicious grape jam…with seeds. We made two sandwiches with it, and then realized eating it was too much work.

  7. You’re a swimmer? I need pointers!

  8. Good luck! But I have to say, accidentally sending a link to your competitor containing plans for her demise probably rules you out as a future member of any sort of secret spy team I may assemble.

    Then again, we may need a swimmer.

  9. Hmmm, I bet she’s reading this and she’s totally freaked out! Good job, Noelle! Now she won’t eat or drink anything in your vicinity. She’ll be too weak to swim!!

  10. Go Noelle! Kick some ass! 🙂

  11. Good Luck!

  12. Go Noelle!!

  13. I think it’s too late–but good luck!!! try using some laxative on your competitor, she’ll be too afraid to get in the pool!

  14. good luck today!

  15. Swim a fair race and kick her butt! Best of luck.

  16. Well, I am reading these not in order, so I already know how things worked out. That said, the homemade jam laced with muscle relaxers idea cracked me up. I’d rather you NOT have to start blogging from jail, though, so I’m glad you didn’t go with that plan.

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