seven things

Courtney tagged me for the “seven things” meme.  I probably shouldn’t open the post that way, lest you say to yourself, “ick.  a meme.  I never read those masturbatory odes to oneself.”  But there’s no test at the end, so if you want to skip learning seven things about me, that’s cool.  But before you go, I just want to let you know these are seven things about me that relate to the last four days!   (And there were rules and stuff to this meme, but I’m ignoring them, because like my bloodline, it ends here.)

  • I started volunteering at the Dutchess County SPCA as a dog walker.  It’s perfect for me because I like dogs, but I don’t want one of my own.  (That’s also how I feel about kids, but there’s no shelter around here that lets you take kids on a walk.)  I walked about half a dozen dogs, one at a time, along a route down to the pet cemetery on the property.  Almost all the dogs peed on a statue to the dead dog named Lady.  Those dogs have no respect, and I hope that doesn’t keep them from finding a good home.
  • I keep gloves in my glove compartment, but only to make a point.  A few years ago, I was playing Trivial Pursuit, and I got one of the stupidest questions ever.  It was, “out of ten people how many keep gloves in their glove box?”  I gave it some good thought, trying to figure out the trick of the question.  It was obviously a low number, because otherwise why bother with the question?  But there’s a good chance that at least one of those ten people used the glove box for such a purpose, because I believe that at least some of the population of America puts gloves in a glove box, and I was trusting that those ten people were a reasonable sample of Americans (or even Canadians.)  With that in mind, I guessed “one person.”  The answer on the card was “zero people,” which is such bullshit, because that means that statistically no one ever, ever keeps gloves in their glove box.  But I do!  I do because I need to prove that ridiculous question wrong.  And I’m glad I do, because I realized I forgot to bring gloves with me when I went to the dog walking.  But for the fact that my “prove a point” gloves are too small, have a hole in three fingers, and were never really warm to begin with, they were better than nothing.
  • When I moved, I got a card for 30 days of a free BJ’s membership, so I used that over the weekend.  Wow, is a warehouse club the opposite of everything I stand for, but I still bought more than I intended, because they gave me all these coupons!  While I was shopping, I was so out of my element, I almost ate a sample of the grilled chicken they were hawking.  But then I remembered I’m a shop local vegetarian freak.  Sometimes it’s fun to go against everything you stand for, in this case, because there is something cool about knowing I don’t have to buy deodorant again until Obama’s second term.
  • I have this gray hair that grows near my forehead, and I’ve had it since high school.  I leave it alone, because I figure that way it will leave me alone, and it won’t bring friends.  I was wrong.  I found another yesterday.  I would really like to hightail it to Max right now for a cut and color, but I don’t have the money at the moment.  I hope I can scrounge up some savings before I start to resemble Birmingham.
  • There is only one kind of pool that I’m good at, and that’s a swimming pool.  Billiards, not so much.  I played with friends over my extended weekend when we couldn’t get a bowling lane, and damn I’m bad.  I only sunk the balls I didn’t mean to, including the opponent’s balls a few times.  I guess playing once every three years does not a hustler make.  I’m still sad that there are plans to turn the local pool hall into a branch of the evil empire.
  • I had a lot of down time over the past few days, and I used it to watch all of the first season of Mad Men.   What a damn fine show.  If anyone can tell me a way to watch season two without having to buy it on iTunes or wait for the DVD release, I’d be most grateful.
  • This being my first year of not living on a Christmas tree farm, I decided that if I couldn’t cut down my own real tree for free, I would get the opposite of  a real tree.  So I dropped twenty bucks at a store that sells above-ground pools, fooseball tables, and billards tables in addition to a small holiday section.  I think I succeeded in finding the most festive tree ever, because for the price of one, I got three trees in one box.  What do you think?
img_2088Metallic purple: the opposite of real


25 responses to this post.

  1. If there were ever a tree that truly said “I’m celebrating the birth of jesus christ even though I don’t believe that there was such a person” it would totally be that three set of trees!

  2. The number of times I have been thwarted and demolished by Trivial Pursuit cards knows no bounds.

  3. “That’s also how I feel about kids, but there’s no shelter around here that lets you take kids on a walk.”

    Oh, man. I’d totally be its best customer if there were. Or would I be the client? What I mean to say is, assuming background checks and safety procedures and all that were up to date, other people could take my kids on walks ANY DAY of the week.

    And also? Mad Men is incredible. None of my in-person friends watch it, to my great dismay.

  4. 3 purple trees. It’s like you have your own Christmas tree farm now.

  5. Posted by lizgwiz on December 8, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    I’ve been thinking of trying to find the most ridiculously artificial tree I can. I actually want the cardboard cut-out one that Mr. Monk had in this year’s special Christmas episode. I thought it was adorable. Your purple rocks, as well.

  6. Purple is the new real.

  7. I need to check out season one of Mad Men.

    Love love love the pink trees! (Had to say it three times b/c there are three of them).

    For the record, during the summer months when I’m not wearing my gloves, I store them in my glove compartment, because A. That’s what the glove compartment is for, hence the name, and 2. When I used to move a lot, I could never find my gloves the following winter, so this way, no matter what never made it in or out of a box, I knew where my gloves were.

  8. I love the trees! If you’re going to go fake, you need to go as fake as possible!

  9. Classy and understated, are what those trees are. 🙂

    That Trivial Pursuit question is total bullshit. I would have complained to the game … headquarters? I don’t know, but I’d have complained to someone.

    I’ve not seen Mad Men, but you can find a lot of episodes for free on I have no idea if it’s on there, but it’s worth a shot.

  10. It’s like living on an Anti-Christmas Tree Farm! The Daily Faux Tree is more like it.

  11. You could probably get a kid to walk at Big Brothers/Big Sisters, but I would leave the leash at home.

    No gloves in my glove compartment, but lots of gray on my head.

    I put xmas lights on my Norfolk pine and rosemary plant.

    And I thought “BJ” stood for something else….

  12. Seven more reasons why I adore you! And those trees SCREAM, “I’m feeling festive, dammit!”

  13. I believe those trees were at the first Christmas. Beautiful.

  14. Posted by SisterAlyson on December 8, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Yea dog walking! Why have you been keeping this secret from me? Is there a dog there you like better than Lola? 😦

  15. have a funky come dina christmas with those trees. watch out fo’ yo’ bad self…

  16. You can come down and walk my dog whenever you want, particularly if you get a hankering for a 5am walk in freezing weather. I’ll have her waiting by the door.

  17. Your Christmas trees are *amazing*.
    Very good call! Sometimes the opposite of real is exactly what you need.

  18. your three pink trees are the same as my three gold trees. we have great taste!

  19. Posted by Stefanie on December 8, 2008 at 11:15 pm

    Three purple trees! I love it. Almost as much as I love your rant against the glove compartment question.

  20. I feel the same way you do about kids. (Although obviously I don’t feel the same about dogs since we’ve two furry bundles of joy.)

    I believe that kids you get to walk and return are called nieces and nephews. Tell your sister to get right on that.

  21. I always buy a fresh tree, but if I ever do switch to fake, I’ve planned to do the same thing — a blue or a white tree.

    And maybe peeing on the dog grave is a way of showing respect?

  22. hulu says you can watch it at amc

    Hulu is full of lies. I tried.

  23. I adored every single thing about this post and since it is all about you, I must adore you too.

    The trees are… so NOT what I would have expected you to have 🙂 But I like them!

  24. And the peeing dogs with no respect? ha!

  25. Love the trees! They are so much fun!

    I’m like that at pool too. Sometimes I’m ok, but usually not. If I aim for a ball, I will hit a totally different one. I hope they don’t tear the pool place down (if it’s the one I’m thinking of). We used to hang out there all the time when we were underage and couldn’t go to bars..sigh.

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