to sleep, perchance to sleep

I was listening to my favorite nature program this morning, and today’s topic was hibernation. What a freaking beautiful concept. Hate the cold of winter? Just sleep it off. Never again worry about the hassles of migration, or foraging for scant food in the snow. Just sleep the winter away!

I learned that during hibernation, some woodchucks reach a body temperature of 50 degrees, and their heart beats only four or five times an hour! That may seem uncomfortable, but what does it matter when you’re asleep? And bears, while famous for their hibernating ways, actually wake up on reasonably warm days (and that must mean a lot of days when you are wearing bearskin 24/7) and forage for food before going back to bed.

It sounds a lot like those lazy weekend mornings when I get up to feed the cats, go back to bed, make hot cereal and watch an hour of TV, go back to bed, make a delicious snack, go back to bed, call a friend, go back to bed, dress for the gym, go back to bed, and try to get up to at least wash the dishes before going to sleep for the night.

In fact, I think that once the holidays and my birthday (January 11, the official end to the holiday season in my world) are over, a bunch of us working stiffs should make a pact to go into hibernation mode. There’s even a hibernation diet made just for us! It mostly involves eating honey before bed, much like a bear. There is no word on whether the diet gives you the not-quite-so-svelte figure of an actual bear.

So who’s with me on months and months of bedtime? I think this will only work if we all agree to do it, otherwise some of us may lose our jobs due to some bosses not understanding that it is unnatural for us to venture into the cold, only to spend all our daylight hours inside an office. Because if we don’t all get behind this, there’s a good chance some non-sleepy go-getters will be vying for our jobs. And in this economy, who of us can afford that?

The human hibernation revolution. Let it begin.


24 responses to this post.

  1. Where do I sign the petition?

  2. today is the first day i don’t have to report to an office. i fully had plans to go into my old office and spend 8 hours looking for a job there, but when i looked outside and saw nothing but a wall of fog/sleet, i decided i could apply for jobs just fine from here. that was an hour ago.

    so i’m thinking i’m already well on my way to participating in your hibernating plan.

  3. I’m so in. I’ve been in bed before ten for pretty much the past three weeks anyway. You know, warming up.

  4. Posted by deutlich on December 9, 2008 at 11:09 am

    I totally could not sleep that long, even if I tried. haha

  5. See, my platform up to now has simply been for us to live like the Spaniards and institute nap time each afternoon. I love that you have even bigger plans.

  6. I’m out. I would miss winter. Sledding, cocoa…

    I’m open to Stefanie’s suggestion, though.

  7. I propose a pre-hibernation diet filled with all the yummy fall foods like mac n’ cheese and bread. It’ll be extreme carbo-loading and that’s a concept I’m willing to support.

  8. In like Flynn.

  9. Sounds tempting, but I’m physically incapable of sleeping past 8am, so I suspect I would be a big failure at hibernating. (PS – Youngest Brother’s birthday is also 11 January – he was born in 1978.)

  10. Right now that seems like the best idea ever. I looove to sleep.

  11. I am so in. Now if only I can convince the dogs to hibernate with me. . .

  12. i worry about bed sores.

    January 6th is my official end of the holidays — the day after my b-day.

  13. count me in

  14. I’m with you on this one!

  15. My GOD I would love 3 months of hibernation. That sounds like a dream come true!

  16. I’m so in! I just need someone to make my mortgage payments for me and I’m *set*.

    Thank you for this! It’s definitely grounds for me not walking the dogs in the morning anymore, at the very least.

  17. Best idea ever.

  18. I am so in!

  19. Oh, I am totally on board with this. My bed is much more preferable than my desk, which is where I’m chained for the next several hours.

  20. I think you have hit on something wonderful.

  21. How come you get cool stories about bears on the radio and I get five hours of pledge donation requests? Seriously, NPR, I already gave you money this year. Quit with the begging!

  22. this is fabulous – i’m going to forward this to my boss. hopefully he’ll sign on too. i still like money.

  23. Posted by lizgwiz on December 10, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Like Stefanie, I have long advocated a more European approach to afternoon napping, but I’m happy to go all-out for hibernation, as well! (I hate driving in bad weather, so it’s perfect!)

  24. I am in.

    As long as by foraging for food you mean delivery…?

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