Flushed

Hi.  I’m still on hiatus / retirement.  But I’m coming out of the woodwork to participate in today’s BlogShare.  I wrote a post that’s published somewhere on the internet, and this post was written by someone else.  A full list of participating blogs is available after the jump at the end of the post.  Enjoy, and please leave comments for my esteemed anonymous guest.

If any of you are uncomfortable reading about bodily functions, maybe you should stop here. This post is about a bodily function.
Bowel movements, to be exact. There’s no good way to put this, so I’m just going to say it. My bowel movements are large. As in large in size. As in very firm. I have clogged many a toilet. It hasn’t always been like this, though I can’t recall exactly when it started. It’s been years.
I’ve tried to fix this. Bulk up the fiber! Benefiber in my tea! More physical activity! To no avail. I will have a few regular movements-Then the big one.
Sometimes I feel it coming on a couple hours in advance-I know it’s going to happen. If people were prone to talk about such things, I could actually announce: “I will be having a really large bowel movement soon.” On vacation last year, there was a 7 hour time frame in which I “had to go”…but could not. That is a terribly awkward and uncomfortable feeling. Especially when the people you are with have certainly noticed that you have made about ten thousand trips to the restroom.
On those times I feel it coming on in advance, if I have plans to visit someone’s home, I am terrified that it will happen there, and a clog will occur. There might not be a plunger! Or worse – I might not be able to fix the situation with the plunger.
So far in 2009, the situation seems to have gotten a little bit better. Really surprising, since I had more or less given up trying to fix it, and stopped using the benefiber and eating the fibericious snacks. I am eating some All Bran crackers as I type this…So I guess I haven’t given up all the fiber snacks.
So, that’s my secret. Is it possible I’m not the only one?
(My anonymous poster has responded to some comments in bold italic)

And You Know What Else
Andrea Unplugged
Blue Soup
Bright Yellow World
Bwildered
Caity of the Keps
Catheroominations
Citystreams
Daily Tannenbaum
Did I Say That Outloud?
Dispatches From The Failed Mommy Club
Face Down
For The Long Run
Full Of Snark
Heidikins
In Java, Literally
Just Below 63
LizLand
Malfeasance
A New Duck
NonSoccer Mom
The North Is My Snowcone
Not The Daddy
Operation Pink Herring
Pants, Pants, Pants
Red Red Whine
Sassy Buster
Sauntering Soul
Shushing Action
Snarke
Snow-Covered Hills
Swimming With Sharks
Thinking Some More
Trueish Story
Way Way Up
Whiskey Marie

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18 responses to this post.

  1. I’m trying to imagine the sorts of comments you may get here. I suppose I could say more if I commented anonymously.

    I’d say keep doing what you’re doing. A high-fiber diet works for me, but if the opposite is working for you, stick with it.

    I guess I’ll thank you for not commenting anonymously, after that ominous remark

  2. I do think it’s funny that we all have this major hangup about discussing these things, when it’s something we all do. Well, not me, of course. Or at least that’s what I want you to think, because I have this major hangup about discussing these things.

    I think we should all get a copy of “Everybody Poops”, then we will feel free to talk about it.

  3. Posted by charmcitykim on February 18, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Haha! My husband sort of has that problem. We were at a friend’s house for a BBQ once and he went to the bathroom. I didn’t realize how much time had passed and sort of assumed he was off mingling… but he came to my side completely drenched in sweat.
    Apparently he had clogged the toilet and was frantically trying to unclog it…

    I’m feeling grateful that the problem has never left me drenched in sweat!

  4. Posted by lizgwiz on February 18, 2009 at 11:55 am

    Well, I’m a vegetarian, and that really seems to prevent the big painful variety. For whatever that’s worth. 😉

    I’m not sure I’m ready to give up meat over it at this time.

  5. Sorry this is happening to you, Anonyposter. It sounds like an embarrassing problem.

    Have you seen a doctor?

    I have asked my doctor. Benefiber was suggested (didn’t help) and a stool softener. I didn’t try that, because they’re just supposed to solve a temporary situation.

  6. Two words: courtesy flush. One flush won’t work, so flush in the middle, or at least before adding toilet paper to the mix. If someone notices the multiple flushes, just blame it on the water pressure. Not that I have ever had this problem….

    Thanks, but that won’t help me. Even before paper gets added to the equation, there is already a problem.

  7. I’m so sorry! My boyfriend seems to have a similar issue, though we’ve never talked specifics – he just clogs a lot of toilets. He will KILL me if he ever figures out that I just said that!

    I feel better just hearing that someone else may have this going on. Sorry for him, but I feel less like I’m the only one.

  8. I’m embarrassed, but I’m going to go ahead and do this without the benefit of anonymity. I poop A LOT. At least four, sometimes five or six times a day. I’ve clogged toilets. Rarely does it go down in one flush.

    But I talk about it ALL THE TIME, too. My husband knows. His family knows (I BROKE THE TOILET at my in-laws house once – red face shame). Our friends (mostly) know.

    So it doesn’t come as a shock to anyone when I walk into a room and calmly mention that I just had a huge poop. People just laugh and shake their heads. I think they think I’m joking, but since I’m not, at least I’m being honest!

    I’m not as open at the workplace, but there are enough restrooms I can justify going to that no one has ever noticed the alarming frequency with which I flush and use the restroom.

    It’s hilarious that you talk about it. I wish I knew you, so I could be a part of your crowd and feel comfortable talking about it. Although, really, I’m okay not talking about it.

  9. This is my favorite Blog Share post!

    I wish people would be all “I will be having a really large bowel movement soon.” Because then I wouldn’t walk into the bathroom after them!

    It is funny that we all poop and yet will not talk about it with other people.

    Aw, thank you. But I’m not really sure I want people to walk around saying that.

  10. My six-year-old son has toilet-clogging poops if that makes you feel any better. I am constantly amazed that such poops can fit in a relatively small body. My mother kept him for a week last summer and called me in abject horror one day – “DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR SON JUST DID OMG.”

    My first instinct is to feel bad for a child with toilet clogging poops, since at some point his friends will probably know. But then again, kids (especially little boys) will probably find it hilarious. As long as there’s an adult nearby with a plunger, that is.

  11. Posted by Mousie on February 18, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    I’ve had poops like that my whole life. Acidopholus (sp?) helps.

  12. Sometimes I go several days without pooping at all. On occasion it has gone so long that I worried. Then all of a sudden they all come several times in one day.

    How awkward that we are discussing this.

  13. I don’t normally have this problem, but I was introduced to it in a big way when I was pregnant. I went through an entire case of prune juice in a month. It’s miserable! Bless your heart.

  14. I occasionally get a large one too. Happily the only toilet I ever clogged was in Italy. Embarrassingly, my uncle totally called me out on it. Thanks for nothing Zio. (Also, no regular plunger would have worked on the weird set up of that toilet. It was a sad day for us all.)

    BUT if it helps you we were in New York visiting my fiance’s very well to do friends when my fiance clogged up their toilet. Worst than having my uncle get frustrated was having to tell the party hosts so they could get their maintenance man to plunge it. I think no matter how much money I have, I would always prefer to plunge my own messes, if you know what I mean.

  15. ha, this post was about poop. poop.

  16. Oh I am so sorry! My SIX year old also has the the largest poops I’ve ever seen. She’s tiny too. I often wonder… HOW?

    But really, you’ve reminded me of a story from long ago. My cousin’s fiancee was visiting her family for the first time. He used the bathroom and clogged the toilet so badly, and was so embarrassed, that for the rest of the visit he used the porta potty at the new house lot down the street.

  17. Posted by ladyrock13 on February 21, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    I love it. Who doesn’t love poop stories? I mean, really.

    It’s liberating. Like your first AA meeting.

    My name is LadyRock and I am not regular. Wow, it feels so good to get that out. I also like beets (they help me get regular but I often fear that I have a medical condition), Sarah Palin, and Manhattans.

  18. Well since I don’t have the benefit of being anonymous, I will just say I am RELIEVED that I am not the only one preoccupied with bowel movements.

    By the way, where is a suitable place to store a plunger? And don’t answer that if you have anything against me.

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