The only thing missing is a red velvet rope

Continuing on the tour of stuff that I pass on my hour to and from work…  This is something that I see every morning that INFURIATES me.  This happens on a particular stretch of Route 94 where all the side roads are listed as private.  I don’t know why they’re all private.  Perhaps they just don’t want city snowplows, or they just don’t want people making U-turns.  Maybe I’m driving through a town that was incorporated by Libertarians or something. I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  I’m already learning enough about new things, I don’t need to know the specifics of why every road is private.  (Although if you do know… comments, please.)

Another reason all these private roads are ho-hum is that they have uninviting names like “Black Locust Way” “Benedict Lane,” and “Shadowood Street” which remind me of plagues, traitors, and shady nursing homes, respectively.  But then there’s this road:

0420090834a

Scenic View Dr. Private Road (F.U.)

To me it says, “Hey, guess what drivers of Rt. 94??!!  Our road is so scenic!  Yeah, we know you can see the gentle sloping by-way leading towards a picturesqe red barn, but THAT IS NOT ALL!  After the road curvers around the pastoral farmland it…  Oh, I’m sorry, it’s private.  It is not for you to know, you stinky, common, PUBLIC road driver.”

Does it seem like I’m being overly sensitive here?  Let me explain.  Dudes, I now sell insurance for a living (but only after looking at your entire financial picture, and really, it’s more appropriate to say that we offer risk management solutions, and we don’t push product…) and part of job is being okay by getting rejected by people who think that I’m a cute, well-dressed version of Ned Ryerson, but are nonetheless afraid that they might end coerced into protecting their income and their families if they just return my call.  I’m learning to deal with it, because I know that what I do is beneficial, not annoying.  Rejection’s part of the game, and it’s their loss, not mine.

But still.  Being rejected by a minor stretch of asphalt, before I’ve even finished my cup of commuting coffee, it’s too much.

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19 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by The Dark Schwa on April 20, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Private roads can be used to indicate roadways not taken over by a town, usually to save money on plowing and maintenance, which is paid for by a Homeowners Association (which don’t really work).

    Most of the time, unusually long driveways are marked like this to assist in E911 response calls.

  2. Oh, that rejection. It is part of the game, and some days it’s easier to take than others. But rejection from asphalt is never okay. That road name is SO pretentious!

  3. Posted by Jennifer M. on April 21, 2009 at 12:50 am

    It doesn’t say “no trespassers” so I say, you charge on down and check out the scenic view. You are a private citizen after all, so it is your road too!

  4. Take the road. Life is short. ;o)

    xox

  5. I can tell you why these roads are private…

    An actual road is government property. Private roads are technically just driveways. Often it is private property that happens to have multiple houses on it. Or it is multiple pieces of property with no road access that has an easement to get to the back property. But because of the 911 system these “roads” must be marked so that responders can easily find someone in need.

    Just like you wouldn’t just go driving down someone’s driveway you shouldn’t just go driving down a private road. It would be like driving down the “road” to the lake in the back of my property. You aren’t allowed there and you aren’t welcome. I will call the cops and show up with my nasty, barking dog.

  6. Next post, I want pictures of what’s behind that red barn. Private way be damned!

  7. I would definitely take a drive down it just to see.

    I’m not a big fan of rules, really.

  8. Posted by lizgwiz on April 21, 2009 at 9:48 am

    I think part of the problem with “private” roads is that they often really are glorified driveways, and sometimes so narrow that you can’t turn around until you’ve reached what is essentially someone’s front yard. Which would be really annoying to me, if it were MY private road. Plus, in the country outside the little town where I grew up, people often pulled off onto private roads to dump trash where they thought no one would see them. Sad, but true.

  9. I don’t know about NY but here in NH there are many private roads. Usually a road is private because the town does not want pay for the upkeep of the road, so whomever built it has to maintain it.

    Just because it’s private doesn’t mean you can’t drive down it. Go down there and take pictures for us!

  10. I was going to say drive down it and Fuck The Man and his private road, but then Dutchess of Kickball scared me straight.

  11. Bah. There’s nothing worse than a sign tease. But I’m a big chicken and also now a little scared of the Duchess, so maybe you should just block the sign from your field of vision with your commute coffee and keep drivin’.

  12. I always thought it was a driveway. After reading the comments, now I know I’m right.

    I say you drive down it a little, just to get a peek! 🙂

  13. I’m scared of the Dutchess.

  14. I’d go down one just to see what happens.

    But oh, do I know what you mean about rejection. I would probably feel the same way about the road as you do.

  15. Elitist owning class. Some day the people will revolt, and take back all of the scenic. Scenic to the people, right on!

  16. I was going to agree with Jennifer M. and heidikins, but then The Dutchess scared me and Liz went and made a valid point. So I guess you’re on your own, friend.

  17. Drive down the road and if you are challenged, look lost and forlorn, pretend you are looking for a client, then offer to sell them some insurance!

  18. Wouldn’t not having a sign at all say the same thing? Isn’t it assumed that if a road is unmarked it is someone’s driveway and therefore private?

    Damn the Dutchess and her logic.

  19. Here in Texas, someone might shoot me if I mosey down their private road. If this isn’t a common happening in NJ, however, I say you take the scenic route…

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