If it weren’t for disappointment, I wouldn’t have any appointments

Ya’ll, I had a whole post planned.  The title was going to be “how to lose 4 ounces in one day!” and the post was going to be completely comprised of a picture of the screws that were formerly in my ankle.  In order to procure those screws, all I had to do was ask the surgeon.  The conversation went a little like this:

Me, asking questions I knew the answer to: So, I can’t get the stictches wet for two weeks?

Surgeon: Yes, that is correct.

Me: And I can’t put weight on it for 24 hours?

Surgeon: Yes, use your crutches until the numbness goes away.

Me: And how long will this take?

Surgeon: About 40 minutes.

Me: So can I ask you a weird question?

Surgeon: Yes, you can keep the pins, just call the pathology department tomorrow.

He was so sure of that, he knew the answer before I even asked the question!  So yesterday, I finally got in touch with the histonomy department when pathology sent me there.  Do they have my pins?  Yes they do!  Can I come pick them up?

NO I MAY NOT.  Any item that is removed from a person is officially a biohazard, according to the histonomy folks, and cannot be safely be released to the public.  I hate to see what they would do with my toenail clippings…  They concluded with telling me they were sorry I heard differently in the OR, and they hope I recover well, without my soveneir.  So now I have no idea what the hardware looks like after I carried it around everywhere for two years.  I can only imagine it’s something like this:

rusty screws

Image from NothingAsItSeems' Flickr Stream

 

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13 responses to this post.

  1. What? That is so disappointing. My dad brought his kidney stones home from the hospital, but he was the doctor too, so I guess he can break the rules? If those are what the pins looked like, can we make a ‘couple of screws loose’ joke about you?

  2. Posted by lizgwiz on November 10, 2009 at 10:15 am

    I think I could have lived without that picture–as my hardware is still (and will stay) in. Aack!

    My vet kept my dog’s unusual tumor in a jar in his office for years.

  3. But why did the doctor say you could keep them then?!

  4. I don’t think histonomy is a real word. I think the hospital is just messing with you.

    They’re probably just embarassed because they sent the pins to the maternity ward.

  5. That seems odd. I mean, drop them in some alcohol and disinfect them and it will be fine.

    I’m mad for you! WE WANTED TO SEE THEM!

  6. Posted by Grey Boy on November 10, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Great- NOW what are you going to get me for Christmas?

  7. Hahahahaaaaaaa! This is awesome.

    I think the lab could have at least sent you a picture, or told you what their official name was so you could look them up.

    Why can you not get your screws after surgery when oral surgeons hand out wisdom teeth left and right? Seems fishy.

    xox

  8. I’m pretty sure 28 Days Later started with someone getting infected by ankle pins.

    Dropped in their eye!

  9. When I first saw the picture pop up in my reader, I thought those were really the screws in your ankle. Glad they weren’t – I was slightly worried about the rust. Haha, I’m slow sometimes.

  10. LAME! I was allowed to keep my wisdom teeth and they didn’t even clean them off for me. now that’s a bio hazard (and just plain rude/gross).

    My wisdom tooth doctor had to break them to get them out, so I declined to take them home. I guess that set me up for disappointment years ago.

  11. If they won’t release them, can they at least take a picture for you? NOT FAIR!

  12. Posted by Courtney on November 10, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    I got to keep my wisdom teeth. Those have GOT to be a biohazard.

  13. I still can’t believe they wouldn’t let you have them. I mean, it’s a common enough request that the doctor anticipated the question, but it’s a request they won’t honor? Since when? Like I said on Facebook, my dad got to keep his pins when he broke his leg. This must be a new rule. That or they just don’t care so much about biohazards in semi-rural Wisconsin.

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